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Waiting On Little Feet: Part 2 (Party Animal)

Salam,

This little 'zen' master is taking his/her time in my belly, while I'm killing my time with little's feet growing handmade animal friends. So far, I've made bunch of teddies (as presents for my fellow new mummies), couple of bunnies, humpback whale for my sister in law & my brother (who both LOVES the underwater world), a monkey for my niece, a black cat (since I have an obsession for black cats), a duck, and an elephant. I hope little feet is not holding back for me to finish an entire zoo for him/her...*phew*

Love+Peace,

H

Dropping By to Say Hi!

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم

Salam,

Hi Everyone! I miss all of you! and I hope each and everyone of you is doing good. I know, it's been months. and can you believe it that I'm less than 10 weeks away from my 'supposed' due date, insyaAllah? I'm almost 7 months long now, and yes...a beautiful walking blimp if I may say so. Experiencing every kicks and shoving that's going on in my tummy. Body heat is sometimes unbearable now, since the body is really using up energy for the little feet's growth...So, I'm sweating ALL the time. Body is getting extra tired now, and sleeping is now different (I'm sleeping almost all the time, and night sleep is really a lot of tossing and turning to adjust on the growing tummy)...Other than that, I'm really trying to experience my pregnancy and taking it all in. Everyday, my tummy is taking on different shape now, so the nearer I am to little feet's arrival, the more everyday seems like a flash. Everything is so quick to change now...MasyaAllah.

I just thought I would drop by and update on what's going on with me....Other than my pregnancy update, I'm doing pretty well Alhamdulillah...Each and everyday you'll learn about anticipating what kind of parent you'll be, and each day in 'transforming' as a parent, you're unveiling the side of yourself that you never realise. I know, I'm learning new side of me everyday now...I get it now when people say, you become a women when you're a mother...It's hard to explain how, but somehow your feminity just blossomed and feel right in your own skin. 

As for the books I've read; Emotional Awareness Dialogue between Dalai Lama & Eckman has been a HUGE help for me overcoming and understanding my own emotion 'rollercoaster'. Especially since everything is 'hormonally'(is there such a word) driven, and it was rather depressing...but Alhamdulillah, the dialogue talks about the technical aspect and the spiritual aspect of human and its emotion, and all the types of emotion that circles around an individual.  I can get quite heavy at times, but I read it and put it down once in a while, so it doesn't seem too overwhelming than reading it in one go. So, to those who would love to have an insight of what 'emotion' is all about from Eckman's and the Dalai Lama himself, should definitely try and read this book.

The Baby Book is full of illustration, I find it informative from a 'pro's point of view (the gy/ob which is the husband) and the mother's point of view (the book is written by husband and wife). Great book to have around for quick reference and info's (at times you're too lazy to turn on the pc)

I'm feeling a sudden drowsiness and sleepy (yup..this is totally normal for me), me and my husband could be in a middle of a conversation, and I would stop suddenly and feel like sleeping. It's weird...hahahha...

I'm not sure i'll be on the blogging wagon just yet, I'm planning to stay away from being online untill little feet's arrival...But I hope to be blogging again soon and to read and hear more from all of you soon. Do know that I do miss blogging and speaking to you lovely ladies again. *virtual hugs* May God bless all of you, and my best prayer for all of you! 

Love+Peace,

H

Unplugged:Will be missing u!

Salam,

I always believe God is always there to save us, it is either we recognize it or not. A lot of things had lead to me up to this point, and although I whined countlessly and shamelessly pour my heart our here, I am at that point now that I've feel nothing but grateful. I feel better and seems to handle my emotion better too. Some part of it is thanks to the fact that I'm connect-less from the internet. I'm at my mum's, during my break from lecturing, and i'm just taking this opportunity to say I'll be out of the loop for awhile. 

Here's what I like to share before I'll start missing all of you. These is what I've been up to;

1. Learn to be my own therapist/friend/simon cowell/advisor/etc- I don't know where I got it from but I started to observe my thoughts and somehow have a dialogue going in my head. I talked earlier in my blog about taking the time to analyze a situation, and this new found 'method' (at first, I thought I was going nuts), somehow helps.Alhamdulillah, It had helped me buy some time before reacting to an emotion I have, and I somehow have my husband notice the 'improvement' too. I guess, as cliche as it sound, no matter how many people around you, the best person to listen is always yourself.

2. Taking a break in my daily task- Using prayer as meditation and reflection moment. 

3. Accepting that I am not perfect, and there are times I deserve a break.

4. Organize, but never plan. It's okay that I don't get EVERYTHING figured out beforehand, and expect that everything that doesn't go my way, happen for a better reason. Period.

5. Appreciating moments, not days. especially appreciating being pregnant and basking my time in all it's glory of its transition into motherhood. 

Love+Peace,

H

Another Pregnancy Post: my rainbows

salam,

I'm gaining strength Alhamdulillah, through one day at a time. Honestly, I was definitely praying to God for the blessing of having my own child, truth be told, and I can't tell you how grateful I am when my prayer was answered. As I go through it, I started to doubt my self...(it's okay, judge me all you want). I got scared since I struggle with my step son, the noise started to play in my head, "can i really do this?", "Did I asked something that I couldn't handle?", and it sure did not come easy since 'LIFE' goes on..and there's up's and down's. Challenges and test comes from left and right. I broke down way too much that I couldn't understand it. The more I try to let it out, the more I was judged. Like it was 'unaccepted' for anyone to go through vulnerability. So most of the time, I keep it in. And then, the more I keep it in, the more it eats me up inside. The painful part was, I was aware of all of this, and I couldn't help myself. 

Then I started to think back about the blessings, the prayer that was answered, the child I'm bearing...My own transition for being a mother. The more I keep myself in this suffering, the more I'm being selfish. I'm harming my own child, every time I let myself 'thinking' I 'needed' to suffer. As I started to read, and meditate again, trying to keep my mind 'in control', Alhamdulillah, I'm starting to see my little rainbow. We all forget, especially going through 'crazy' times, that at the end of the day, when we're alone on earth (when no one but yourself can help you), we forgot about 'The One'. At least, I know I did. It took me, several breakdown, painful loneliness, secret worries, I even hide myself under a bed (!) because I just wanted to disappear from everything, -to find out I didn't even ask help from the 'Bigger' Power. I pray to God everyday, but sometimes, it takes more than a thought to find your spirit and restore it strength. As my mind quiet down, as I let go negativity like wind passes through, and keep telling myself 'I don't need to explain myself to anyone', I find myself finding more and more strength. All those time I thought I couldn't help myself, true enough sometimes I'm not strong enough to help myself. We all need a 'higher' energy to give us more strength. It's only after His help, that anyone else could (including ourselves) reach out and give the extra hand.

My husband has been so patient with me throughout these 'difficult' episodes, that I have nothing but greater respect for him. He's been accepting me, without judgement, and continue to support me without pushing me towards any direction that I don't feel like going. I have the tendency to 'please' people, but with him...he never seemed to 'push' me, regardless how idiotic my decision is, he gets my intention...and it is always easier to communicate when it comes to him. So sayang, May God bless you for being who you are, even after all the things 'people' say...

That being said, I would like to remind myself here of all the rainbows that I have in my life right now;

1. Being bless with a baby in my belly

2. Not to have nausea/morning sickness/feet cramps/etc & etc of long list of pregnancy hiccups. 

3. Having a supportive mother. and entering to motherhood, brought another level of respect for my mama.

4. Finally having great good night sleep...*sigh*

5. Loving husband, I shouldn't say more...

6. Dalai Lama...(book review coming your way!-this book helped me upon everything else I'm doing)

7. Getting to open the window, and to have fresh air hits my face every single day. I live in such beautiful place, I still can't believe it. 

* Upon a lot of things I'm thankful for, I'll stop at 7 for the 7 colours of the rainbow..LOL..

Alhamdulillah...

My mum made me feel like I'm a planet

salam,

This is what happen when we shopped for my maternity pants today;
I finally admit that it's about time that I get myself one of those maternity pants. Some of my friends swore by it, but since most of my clothes are loose fitting, it had helped me hold on to most of my clothes. Except for my pants. My belly is growing and besides my drawstrings and pajama pants, I hardly have any other pants to wear. So today my mum decided to find maternity pants for me. We went to the nearest mall, near my mum's house, and we started looking through some of the maternity pants. I'm a jeans person, so I was thrilled to see they have 'jeans' looking maternity pants. Straight away, aware that I've grown a few inches *ehem* beyond my waistline, I grabbed a size L. Accepting that I'm normal-pregnant lady-ballooning. The jeans has some elastic fabric on it, and its stretchy. It's a comfortable pants, compared to my last pair of jeans that I'm clinging on. I come out of the changing room to show my mum, and she asked if it was 'tight', because it look snugged especially on the thigh. It's comfortable, but I'm only 5 months pregnant, and I still have more than a couple of months to go through, insyaAllah. More room would be a good for the long run, so I agreed to try another size bigger. yes, XL. Again, I went into the changing room and try it on. It does feel room-ier, and to be realistic of the anticipated size I'll grow into, I feel great getting this pants. It looks great and it feel WONDERFUL. So, I come out of the changing room to show my mum that this pants is great, she keep looking at my thigh, and asked if its tight again. Again, I told her it's stretchable, and I think I'm fine. She asked if there's another size up. My jaw dropped, and told her that they have 'XXL'.

Mum:"Why don't you try it on"
Me: "Okay, if you insist, but do know that you're making me feel more depressed"

We laughed it out, as I try the XXL size. I was more than relief to feel the elastic part barely hanging on to anything, doubting that I'll ever go that big for the next 4 months or so. So for the last time, I stepped out of the changing room, not feeling like I'm a planet anymore. and glad that my mum also thinks that I'm not that huge...ahhahahah...Love you ma!

I read a lot about pregnant women feeling all depressed about ballooning, feeling fat, and I being a person who barely feel too conscious about my 'size', never thought I'll ever understand how they feel. To me, as long as I'm eating right and try to keep myself healthy, it's good enough for me. Being thin or skinny was something I battled with during my teen life, and getting over it was a huge liberation. But to tell you frankly, I was not prepared of how huge pregnant women can really get. I was surprised last week to look myself in the mirror and see how 'HUGE' I look. and at that point, I finally understood everything I read. Especially today when my mum, by no intention of course, make me feel like a planet...ahahha..

I can't wait to get VERY huge and embrace it now.

Love+Peace,
H

Pregnancy Stress

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم

salam,

A lot happened these past few weeks, and I really can't say I'm on my best moods...Something happened earlier last week that really gotten me depressed...I tried hard to dismiss it, and really trying hard to ignore it for the sake of my baby. Some people had a way of trying to hurt you and say mean things to you, and at times it gets the best of you. Well, it got the best of me. Although I tried to be a better person in the situation, damage was done and VERY hurtful thing was said. Forgive is easy, but words of hate can't be easily forgotten. I am trying to accept that I can't change people's view and I can't change people's mind/behaviour...All I can do, is keeping my mind at peace, and pray that God give me strength and patience to deal with negative and angry people around me. I hate crying and feeling bad, and I'm feeling guilty to my baby. I'm sorry little feet, I'm really trying to be strong for you...I'm trying not to cry and be more patient. I hope you won't be an angry person, I hope you're going to be a very patient person, full of grace and politeness. I hope this are all just a test to build your character....I pray to God may you be more than I am. Amin. 

I was crying myself to bed last night, trying to keep it all in, and really try to be patient. Alhamdulillah, my husband was there to ease the stress...He keep reminding me to be really patient and pray that God will make it easier for us. It is easier to lash back out and exchange mean things to say..it does feels better, but it definitely won't make things better. So, I decided to really keep my mouth shut, and let these people get away with it. My prayer is that I hope people have more mercy upon other people and anger is really is a destructive tool on your heart and mind. May God protect me, and give me patient and strength. Amen....

Craving updates: Roti John

Salam,

When my husband and I were talking last night, I had a sudden urge of a new craving coming. And not only it's rare, i'm not even sure it still exist. I used to burn all my school allowance on these road-side stall snack. My favourite version was this stall in front of the shoplots near my house. The version was the simple version, not these complicated and sauced drenched ones like they have it now...If I wanted a sloppy joe, then I would have asked for it. But no, this time my difficult craving goes to this 1995 road side stall 'Roti John'. The EXACT specific one, because i suddenly remember how good it was. I remember being 8/9 years old and hoping for this yummy treat for RM1.50. I loved it so much, I was eating them at least one everyday. EVERYDAY.

What is Roti John? Some claims it originated from Singapore, some said it originated here from Malaysia. I don't find it matter. It is a type of omellete sandwich, made from egg, onions, minced meat, tomato sauce, mayonaisse and a loaf of long bun/bread (roti).

This is how you make Roti John.

First, you beat 1/2 eggs with some little minced meat, a little curry powder, chopped onions, mayonaisse and a little salt and pepper. Beat all these ingredient good. Then cut a long bun/baguette (hot dog bread works fine), into half and butter each side. Slightly pan fry (flat pan) them just to heat the bread, then scoop a big spoonfull of your little egg mixture and pour it on the flat pan. Place the buttered surface bread/bun (face down) on top of the frying egg mixture and keep them down as it cook. Flatten it as it cooks. Do the same, on the other half of the bread/bun. Repeat as many as you want. To serve, put the two half of the bread back together, and sandwich them with sliced cucumber, some ketchup (or my case sweet chillie sauce), and some mayonaisse if you prefer, in between those two half. Cut them to little sections and Nom-nom-nom away....

Now, where can I find that hot dog bun at this time of hour...*hmmm*

Genesis By Ramos David

Why I still insist on Home Birth

Taken from http://bringbirthhome.com/home-birth-safety/ 

When hearing the news that I had my last baby at home and am planning to have this one at home as well, the first response from most people is, “You’re so brave.”

This has to be one of the most irritating things that people say to homebirthers. The implication is that birth is dangerous and that we are willing to take on a tremendous risk to do it anywhere but a hospital.

It negates the research and planning that we’ve done to come to this decision. It makes the choice about balls, not brains. After all, homebirth is “dangerous.” Hospital birth is “safe.” Therefore, it must be bravado alone that would lead a woman to choosing such an option. Right?

In 2003, over 20% of women had their labors induced, with a rate closer to 40% in many hospitals, while that rate should not exceed 10% (and has remained at 10% in most industrialized nations).

Inductions are approximately 5 times more likely among planned hospital births than planned homebirths. An 1999 American Journal of Obstetrics and Gynecology “Green Journal” review of 7000 inductions found that 3 out of 4 of the inductions were not medically necessary.

Inductions are performed unnecessarily for estimated size of the baby (too large or too small), going past the estimated due date, amniotic fluid levels that are low but not critically low (correctable in nearly all cases by rehydration of the mother), rupture of membranes without immediate start of labor, the mother being dilated/effaced but not in active labor, or scheduling reasons on the part of the mother or care provider.

Approximately 40-50% of inductions fail (depending on the induction method used and the mother’s Bishop score), and most failed inductions end in cesarean section. Inductions increase labor pain and length, and create, among other problems, an increased risk of fetal distress, uterine rupture, and cesarean section.

But homebirth is “dangerous.” Hospital birth is “safe.”

Over 30% of women in the US have cesarean sections, while overwhelming research has led the World Health Organization to set an ideal standard rate of cesarean sections at 10-12%, with 15% being the rate where more harm is being done instead of good. Cesareans are performed at a similar rate across all risk groups, low to high. The cesarean rate for planned births at home or in an independent birthing center is approximately 4%.

Cesarean sections increase the likelihood of maternal death by as much as 4 times, and have other immediate and long-term heath risks for mothers that include, but are not limited to, infection, bowel or bladder perforation, hysterectomy, future infertility, and increased risk of uterine rupture for future pregnancies.

Risks for the baby include respiratory distress, fetal injury, prematurity (if result of scheduled section or failed induction), and breastfeeding difficulties.

Four of the greatest causes for the increase in cesarean section are overuse of interventions during labor, concern for malpractice/liability on the part of care providers, failed labor inductions, and “failure to progress” (labor not progressing fast enough or regularly enough for care providers).

But homebirth is “dangerous” and hospital birth is “safe.”

The ACOG and AMA have both come out against homebirthing, calling it a dangerous trend and referring to it as a “fashionable, trendy, [...] the latest cause célèbre,” and they paint a horrible picture of complications arising in low-risk pregnancies with no warning that cannot be handled anywhere but the hospital.

Despite that, the most thorough study ever done on homebirth safety, Kenneth C Johnson and Betty-Anne Daviss’s Outcomes of planned home births with certified professional midwives: large prospective study in North America, BMJ 2005;330:1416 (18 June), found that the outcomes of planned homebirths for low risk mothers were the same as the outcomes of planned hospital births for low risk mothers, with a significantly lower incident of interventions in the homebirth group.

The Lewis Mehl Study of home and hospital births, which matched couples in each group for age, parity, education, race, and pregnancy/birth risk factors, found the hospital group had 9 times the rate of episiotomies and tearing, 3 times the cesarean rate, 6 times the fetal distress, 2 times the use of oxytocin for induction/augmentation, 9 times the use of analgesia/anesthesia, 5 times the rate of maternal blood pressure increase, 3 times the rate of maternal hemorrhage, 4 times the rate of infection, 20 times the rate of forceps use, and 30 times teh rate of birth injuries (including skull fractures and nerve damage).

Breastfeeding success rates are higher and postpartum depression rates are lower for planned homebirths.

But homebirth is “dangerous” and hospital birth is “safe.”

The United States spends more per pregnancy/birth than any other country, the vast majority of women in the US give birth in hospitals, and yet the US’s maternal death rate is the worst among 28 industrialized nations and the neonatal mortality rate is the second worst.

The Netherlands, where 36% of babies are born at home, has lower maternal and neonatal mortality rates than the US. Denmark, where all women have access to the option for a safe and legal home birth, has one of the lowest maternal and neonatal mortality rates.

But homebirth is “dangerous,” hospital birth is “safe,” and Brutus is an honorable man.

I didn’t choose a homebirth because I am brave. Bravery has little to do with it. If anything, I believe women who choose to give birth in US hospitals are the brave ones, because knowing what I know about our technocratic obstetrical system, I can’t imagine voluntarily choosing an obstetrician and a hospital for anything but absolute medical necessity.

My decision to homebirth wasn’t made in a void, but based upon years of research. I wonder how much research the average woman puts into her hospital birth?

Considering how many times I’ve heard someone say “I’m glad I was in the hospital because…” and then given as her reason a non-emergent situation (such as fetal size or nuchal cords), I’d say not that much.

Call me stubborn, because I wasn’t willing to accept out of hand the culturally held belief that hospitals are safer.

Call me an idealist, because I believe that birth can be a positive, safe, and empowering experience for child and mother.

Call me a nonconformist, because I choose to birth at home in defiance of a powerful technocratic system.

Call me outspoken, because I can’t keep my mouth shut when I hear about yet another iatrogenic birth calamity.

Call me a “birth nazi,” because I believe it’s the right and responsibility of every woman to educate herself about birth and take ownership of her birth experience.

But brave? Don’t call me brave. “Brave” has nothing to do with it.

Morgan is a freelance writer and co-director of North Metro Birth & Breastfeeding Coalition. Email Morgan at morgan@mcfamilies.com

Read Morgan’s follow up article, “Birth Safety as a Binary Condition.”

Weird Dream

"During pregnancy, your dreams have more twists and turns than ever before. It's all down to your surging hormones, perhaps entwined with mixed feelings about your changing shape, and maybe the added ingredient of anxiety and excitement about becoming a mother, says dream expert Patricia Garfield, author of Women's Bodies, Women's Dreams. "-Babycenter.com


Last night, i dreamt of Leo Tolstoy stalking a man he thought was an inspiration (i forgot who), i on the other hand...was on a quest finding out WHY Leo Tolstoy was stalking this man. Turns out, he thought he was studying 'this famous person', but actually it was someone who looks like 'this famous person'. So i told Leo Tolstoy that he's studying a wrong man...and to show his gratitude, he agree to sponsor my friend's design company to support wise and creative people alike. I told my friend the good news and she was deliriously happy by the fact that Leo Toystoy was investing on their design company...


can you say weird? and i don't know how does THAT related to being a mother...or me changing shape...and why Leo Tolstoy?

9 Weeks Pregnancy Update: Mood Swings are Normal

The Uppity : The Downditty

Downditty:


I actually cried my heart out over a slice of potato..., Like truely genuinely SAD. I was SOBBING! Almost hyperventilating. Just like *snap* that! The weird part was, in my head i was like this:


"Why are you crying? What are you crying about? Seriously i have no idea what's going on...Hormone? is this you who is taking over my job?"


It's like an outer body experience, it was so weird. As i received my newsletter from http://www.babycentre.com.my, I wasn't suprised to find this:


Hello Hajar! 
9 weeks pregnant

If extreme mood swings leave you feeling like a drama queen this week, you're not alone. Hormonal fluctuations are treating your emotions like a yo-yo now. One minute you feel weepy and the next you're laughing harder than you've ever laughed before. Take comfort in knowing that those same volatile hormones are helping your baby grow.


Aaah, thanx for the explaination and the heads up guys...


Uppity:


*woke up* check phone by the bed. Received a text message from the husband "Where are you?" at 1.42 AM. ?? did i turned invisible last night while i was sleeping in bed? Confused of course, this is how the dialog went;

Me: Did you text me last night? Why did you ask Where i was?

Husband: (almost too casually), oh i was looking for your phone (He likes to play solitaire on my phone before he sleeps/when he couldn't sleep)

Me: So you decided to ask the phone where it is? *eyeing my husband in hoping he finds it weird as i did*

Husband: I was looking it for so long, and everywhere...do you know your phone received my text like 5 minutes after i send them. I was glad the phone answered 'Here i am!-Beep Beep'. (still answering it casually like it was not weird enough)

Me: Ah-ha...*eyeing him and burst into a big laugh*

Husband: *Grin sheepishly*

Beautiful souls do exist & her parenting tip

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم

salam,

I wasn't feeling so well these few weeks, but Alhamdulillah i'm feeling much better today (probably due to my craving finally done and over with, burger craving-check! thanks to my loving husband, Alhamdulillah). So the last couple of days, i passed on going for a brisk walking session with my sister in law, she came by yesterday to check out how i was. Which was very sweet of her, we talked about how we both are feeling in our pregnancy, and exchange updates on what we read and news about natural birth here in Malaysia. Good news, she told me she found a midwife who by chance would be making a stop in Malaysia to attend on her delivery this May. I'm SO happy for her! she told me she was crying for the news, and i understood how happy she much be since that's all she ever wanted. "Its beautiful, this grace" she told me, it definitely is beautiful. She went on telling me on how she met this 'travelling midwife', who was an australian, a free spirited midwife who like us, loves the idea of homeschooling our own child. She told me about the blog she writes and today, i took the opportunity to go through the midwife, name Ela,'s blog. SubhanAllah, truely she's an amazing women...very free spirited and full of love. I love how beautiful her soul is, and her gorgeous and very aware daughter. I can't wait to meet her, in May InsyaAllah. Who knows, she might help me deliver my own little feet. InsyaAllah...I would love that. I would like to share her article she shared on raising a child with respect and not punishment, which is BEAUTIFUL! great parenting tip...


Respect Not Punishment by Ela Forest

Only In Fiction

“Mama, why does Harry Potter do that? Why doesn’t he just ask a grown-up for help?” asks my daughter, Sequoia, with whom I have been reading the Harry Potter series lately.

“He’s afraid of getting in trouble,” I answer, knowing that this explanation doesn’t really make sense to a child who has never been punished.

To the children in JK Rowling’s books, punishment is a fate worse than death. They regularly risk their lives to avoid getting into trouble or expelled.

When my child was small, I realised that it would be disrespectful to punish her for being a child, especially when I wouldn’t hand out punishments to my friends or partner.

Punishment For Accidents?

The thought of telling my partner to take a “time out” for knocking over a glass of milk, or giving him a stern talking to and taking away his computer privileges for accidentally breaking something would be ludicrous.

I hear many parents talking about setting only “natural consequences,” but in practice, this is just a fancy way of saying “let the punishment fit the crime.”

If my child breaks her favourite toy, the true natural consequence is that her toy is broken – telling her that her toys will be confiscated until she can learn to treat them better isn’t a natural consequence: it’s a punishment.

I have found that when I relate to my child with respect, she is very well behaved and she needs no punishment. When she forgets, or has an accident, and something is broken, she feels genuine remorse, and is able to process that in a healthy way, without fear of retribution.

I see other children who are accustomed to receiving punishments – they live in fear of grown-ups. When my daughter had a friend over, and they accidentally broke a plate, Sequoia’s friend was fearful and wanted to hide the evidence, whereas Sequoia was sad that the plate was broken, and came to me saying that she was sorry, and asked for help to clean it up.

If I had punished Sequoia for breaking the plate, she wouldn’t learn to take more care of plates (and after all, every one breaks something once in a while) – what she would learn is that she can’t feel safe to tell me when something is broken. It would teach her to hide the truth and lie to me – which I would then have to punish her for, increasing the cycle.

The Consequence Of Punishment

In our culture, we believe that it is necessary to punish children in order to correct them, so they learn not to make the same transgression again. However, the reality is that the punishment doesn’t really teach children how to behave, but to fear punishments, and to get better at avoiding them.
Not only that; I found that if I punished Sequoia for some transgression, she was less likely to learn the lesson I had intended to teach her – rather, she felt that I was someone to be feared.

If I were to punish my child for breaking a plate, she would then carry the fear of punishment with her the next time she carries a plate: she will be nervous about being punished again instead of being careful with the plate, leading to more breakages.

Dealing With A Contrary Child

Recently, Sequoia went through a phase of being contrary and not doing what I asked her. I felt frustrated; like she was never listening to me. One night she was jumping on my bed, and I asked her to stop, but she didn’t and the bed broke.

My immediate reaction was to shout at her, and punish her. Instead, I took a deep breath, and said, “I need to talk to you. I’m feeling very frustrated that the bed is broken and even more frustrated that I asked you to stop but you didn’t listen to me. Now I feel I can’t trust you.” Sequoia was truly remorseful and apologised sincerely. We had a long talk about respect and safety, and then we were able to work together to repair the bed.

I can see that if I had given in to my anger and punished her, she wouldn’t have listened to what I was saying and how I was feeling; she would only hear the punishment, and wouldn’t have really understood that she had done something wrong.

What I have learned again and again is that when one lives in a state of fear, spiritual growth is stifled, and I don’t want my child to be living in fear of punishments, especially not from her mother, who should be a safe haven.

A Trusting Not A Fearful Relationship Is The Key

When a child is accustomed to being punished by grown-ups she will become fearful of them rather than developing a trusting relationship. I think of my child as a student of life. I am not her teacher so much as an experienced guide. As a guide, I wouldn’t punish someone for making a mistake or having an accident – I simply lead by example.

If a child misbehaves, it isn’t because the child is bad or intentionally breaking rules – it is an accident: the child is learning.

I hear exasperated parents saying “but I’ve told my child so many times not to do that!” Of course it can be frustrating, but imagine you are a piano teacher and the child your student.

You tell the student to play C and then A sharp, but the child gets confused again and again, playing D and then A sharp. The more the teacher shouts at the child, punishes her, tells her off for playing badly when she knows the right way, the more confused, scared and frustrated she gets.

However, if the teacher lets the mistake pass and again demonstrates the correct notes in a gentle and supportive manner, the child understands, and learns.

In this way, children are able to trust in grown-ups, and come to them when they need help, rather than hiding their transgressions our of fear.

We all learn by making mistakes, and if we are punished for making mistakes, what we will learn is punishment. If we respect and support our children as students of life, then we, their parents, will give them trust, confidence and self love.

Marie Laforêt - Мon amour mon ami

Salam,
I'm jumping for joy (not literally-but i'm doing cartwheel inside) for my husband...he's taking me to KL for my craving although he hates travelling to the city, and the fact he hates city crowds. So, i'm singing this cute song for him for his endless attempts in making me happy... thank you sayang~!

For english translation of the lyrics: http://lyricstranslate.com/en/mon-amour-mom-ami-my-love-my-friend.html

Pregnancy & Quran

 Taken from 
http://www.harunyahya.com/books/faith/maryam/muslimwoman02.php

There are 3 miracles that can be found from these verses

The pains of labor drove her to the trunk of a date-palm. She exclaimed: 

"Oh, if only I had died before this time and was something discarded and forgotten!" A voice called out to her from under her: "Do not grieve. Your Lord has placed a small stream at your feet. Shake the trunk of the palm toward you, and fresh, ripe dates will drop down to you. Eat and drink, and delight your eyes. If you should see anyone at all, just say: 'I have made a vow of abstinence to the All-Merciful, and [so] today I will not speak to any human being.'" (Surah Maryam: 23-26)

Eat Dates

Allah advised Maryam to eat freshly ripened dates. Today, such dates are considered to be food and medicine. Scientists now know that dates contain more than ten substances considered essential for the human body's well-being and continuing health.
Dates contain plenty of the easily digested and absorbed sugars that give the human body its energy for heat and movement. More importantly, these sugars are of the fructose type and not of the glucose type, which quickly raises the blood-sugar levels. Dates provide energy, help muscle tissues and nerve cells develop, and are especially beneficial for people weakened by illness or those suffering from exhaustion, because of their high caloric value. For example, 100 grams of dates contain 1.5 grams of protein and 50 grams of carbohydrates. In addition, their caloric value is 225 kcal. Fresh dates have a 60-65 percent sugar content and a 2 percent protein content.


Modern medical findings suggest that dates benefit women who are almost ready to give birth. Doctors now advise pregnant women to take fructose-containing foods on their due dates, for such foods provide energy used by the weakened body to revitalize itself, have a trigger effect on the milk hormones and thus help the woman's body produce milk, and also increase the volume of that milk.


This information reveals some of the wisdom inherent in Allah's advice to Maryam. Another matter worth reflecting upon is the little stream created by Allah and His advice for her to eat and drink. Now, scientists inform us that people can survive on dates and water for years, because they contain all of the necessary essentials for human life.(http://www.geocities.com/SoHo/Easel/3809/hurma.htm) In fact, one renowned expert on the subject, V. H. W. Dowson, suggests that one glass of milk and one date per day provides a person's daily nutritional requirements. ("Date and Health;" www.sgp-dates.com/date.htm)


Dates contain various vitamins (e.g., A, beta-carotene, B1, B2, B3, and B6) and minerals, (e.g., sodium, potassium, calcium, magnesium, fiber, iron, sulphur, phosphorus, and chlorine) and are also rich in fiber, fats, and proteins. Some of the ensuing benefits are as follows:


A date's nutritional value is based on the balance between its minerals. During the prolonged period of morning sickness and the altering physiognomy, a shortage of potassium occurs and needs to be supplemented. This fruit's high potassium content is certainly welcome here, as its role in preserving the body's water levels.


Iron controls the red blood cells' synthesis of hemoglobin, which prevents anemia during pregnancy and also regulates the blood's RBC balance, which is so crucial for the baby's development. Due to its high iron content, one-and-a-half dates can meet the body's total iron requirement and thus prevent all complaints caused by a lack of iron.


Calcium and phosphorus are very important elements in developing and balancing the skeleton and the bone structures. Dates protect the body from anemia and weak bones, and thus reduce the risk of such illnesses with their high nutritional value and high phosphorus, calcium, and iron content.


Scientists point out that dates can reduce stress and tension levels. Research done at Berkeley University revealed that dates are rich in vitamin B1 (the "nerve vitamin") and magnesium (essential for muscle functions), both of which are essential for a strong nervous system. Magnesium is also very important for the kidneys, and two or three dates per day are enough to meet all of the human body's magnesium requirements. ("Date and Health;" www.sgp-dates.com/date.htm)


Dates also contain folic acid (vitamin B9), which is essential for pregnant women, due to its important role in forming new blood cells, producing amino acids, and developing new cells. As a result, a pregnant woman needs double the usual daily amount of folic acid. If the body's folic acid levels fall below the required amount, bigger but less functional red blood cells are formed and anemia occurs.


Folic acid, which is crucial to developing the cell's genetic makeup and division, is the only substance that must be doubled during pregnancy. Dates are very rich in folic acid.
During pregnancy, a woman's daily vitamin A requirement increases to 800 ug. Dates are very rich in the foremost vitamin A: beta-carotene. ("Date Palm," Telmedpak Agriculture; www.telmedpak.com/agricultures.asp?a=agriculture&b=date_palm)


Most other fruits are protein-poor, but dates have good protein content. ("Date Palm," Telmedpak Agriculture; www.telmedpak.com/agricultures.asp?a=agriculture&b=date_palm)


Oxytocin is used in modern medicine to accelerate labor and is often referred as "rapid birth." It also increases the level of milk production following birth. ("Break Your Fasting On Dates," Islamonline.net; http://198.65.147.194/English/Science/2000/7/article5.shtml; "Mothering and Oxytocin or Hormonal Cocktails for Two," Sarah Blaffer Hrdy and C. Sue Carter ; www.people.virginia.edu/~rjh9u/oxytocin.html)


Our Prophet (saas) pointed out the benefits of dates in the following hadith: A family that has dates will not be hungry. (Sahih Muslim) This is a piece of very good advice.
All of our current information on dates reveals Allah's infinite wisdom and grace upon Maryam, who, inspired by Allah, satisfied all of her nutritional needs by eating dates and thereby eased her child's birth. (Allah knows best.)

   

Allah Creates a Stream

Allah told Maryam that He had placed a stream by her feet to eat, 

drink, and delight her eyes. 

Water, like dates, eases labor pains and regulates muscle tension. In fact, some modern birth clinics have pools in which the delivery takes place.


Water, which is necessary for life and one's physical well-being, plays an important role in regulating the body's temperature, transporting nutritional elements and oxygen, and removing waste matter from the body's cells. It also ensures the healthy movement of joints, skin moisture and elasticity, the digestive system, and protects tissues and organs. Water is becoming more widely used in therapy by the day. Contact with water stimulates the immune system, increases anti-stress hormone production, reduces pain, and stimulates blood circulation and metabolism.(http://www.yasamsaglik.com/HaberAraSonuc.asp?txtAnahtar1=Migren http://www.autism-tr.org/hydroteraphy.htm)


Water is important during pregnancy for several reasons. At that time, water intake is especially necessary because the volume of blood increases and because of the developing baby's needs. Women who choose to breast-feed need plenty of water to produce the necessary amount of milk. Considering that 87 percent of this milk is water, we can see how important this production is.


Water also maintains the electrolyte balances in the blood of the mother and the child. Hormones released during pregnancy alter the way various body fluids are used. Toward the end of the woman's pregnancy, blood volume increases 150 percent, and the loss of water through breathing is much greater. The amnion fluid, in which the baby grows, is renewed every three hours. However, it can decrease, as in the case of dehydration caused by insufficient water intake.


Dehydration during pregnancy also can cause premature labor. Some hormones released in such situations imitate the hormones that trigger labor pains. Cases in which premature birth is a significant risk are treated by giving fluids through the veins, a procedure that highlights the importance of water intake. Such premature tensions are often cured by this fluid therapy.


Water also forms the human body's transport system. Via the bloodstream, it carries food and oxygen to the embryo and helps prevent some common infections that can cause miscarriage or premature labor and birth. Sufficient water intake reduces the risks of such infections. ("Preganancy and Water;" www.mumcu.com/html/article.php?sid=247) Doctors inform their patients that their water requirement increases by 50 percent during pregnancy. If the water intake is insufficient, the body reduces the quantity of some fluids, which, in turn, causes various complaints.(http://www.bebek.com/index.asp?bolum=12&haberid=173)
Modern science shows once more the wisdom in Allah's creation of the stream for Maryam and His advice to eat dates and drink water. All of this is evidence of Allah's infinite knowledge.

Maryam Shakes the Date Tree

Allah tells Maryam to shake the date tree toward her when she was headed toward it in her labor pains. (Surah Maryam: 25)

Doctors say that pulling something toward oneself during labor can have a positive effect on the muscles. In order to ease labor pains and help bring about a safe delivery, women are advised to do certain exercises that reduce pressure in the body and, therefore, the risk of complications during delivery. They are also thought to quicken the process of giving birth.(http://www.bebek.com/index.asp?bolum=4&konu=49)
Doctors suggest that in the second stage of labor, the woman's head should be slightly raised to take advantage of gravity. Thus, hospital delivery rooms have beds with suitably placed handles and footrests that enable pregnant women to give birth in the most comfortable position.


Other practitioners advise their patients to squat or sit on specially adapted birth chairs. Before recent technological developments, some birth rooms featured a rope hanging from the ceiling, which the expectant mother was to use to try and pull herself up, thus helping the birth process. All of these methods are theoretically and logically helpful. ("The second stage of pregnancy;" www.mumcu.com/html/article.php?sid=43)Perhaps this is why Allah told Maryam to pull and shake the date tree. (Allah knows best.)

Wallahualam

Craving #2: Chili's BBQ Ranch Burger

Salam,

My first craving was a subway sandwich...which i begged my husband to drive me 40 minutes to KL. He groaned at first, and ignored me. I told myself when i first found out i was pregnant, that i would contain myself from being a whiny-needy-pushy pregger wife who'll drop on the floor and roll in tantrum to satisfy my craving. So when he ignored me, i let it go and take a big gulp of saliva down my throat. Then as we went to send some stuff at his friend's place, he suprised me by 'let's go and drive around' and end up in the city, I squeled! Since then, i've been having meat cravings...So far, i've been having 'small degree' craving which passed on rather easy if i didn't get my hands on them. But, this BBQ ranch burger never died down. It's been pounding on my head and keep sending me saliva wave behind my throat whenever i think about it. Funny thing is, my sister-in-law told me over the weekend that her friend told her that when a pregnant lady crave for sweets, they're having a girl. And those who crave for salty and meats, are having a boy. Which i couldn't put my hands on how true it can be, weird thing is...i keep craving for chocolates after every meal...thus..i still have mad craving for meat. So, baby gender is still a mystery. Truth is, as long as the baby is healthy is fine by me. 

My head was picturing this almost around the clock, it's driving me crazy....

Pregnancy Update: 8 weeks and 2 days

Salam,
I'm feeling too sluggish these couple of days, probably due to too much moving around over the weekend. It was a great weekend, i have to say but i think i pushed myself a little too hard. Being pregnant can sure get you all feeling alright on one day and blergh on the other day, it's not even funny. Today, i decided to let the pictures do all the talking on how sluggish i feel today...i still don't have the energy even to think at the moment...

http://www.adambaumgoldgallery.com/Bell_Marc/Sluggish.jpg

http://snevelandco.com/images/sluggish2_jzo1.jpg