Dropping By to Say Hi!

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم

Salam,

Hi Everyone! I miss all of you! and I hope each and everyone of you is doing good. I know, it's been months. and can you believe it that I'm less than 10 weeks away from my 'supposed' due date, insyaAllah? I'm almost 7 months long now, and yes...a beautiful walking blimp if I may say so. Experiencing every kicks and shoving that's going on in my tummy. Body heat is sometimes unbearable now, since the body is really using up energy for the little feet's growth...So, I'm sweating ALL the time. Body is getting extra tired now, and sleeping is now different (I'm sleeping almost all the time, and night sleep is really a lot of tossing and turning to adjust on the growing tummy)...Other than that, I'm really trying to experience my pregnancy and taking it all in. Everyday, my tummy is taking on different shape now, so the nearer I am to little feet's arrival, the more everyday seems like a flash. Everything is so quick to change now...MasyaAllah.

I just thought I would drop by and update on what's going on with me....Other than my pregnancy update, I'm doing pretty well Alhamdulillah...Each and everyday you'll learn about anticipating what kind of parent you'll be, and each day in 'transforming' as a parent, you're unveiling the side of yourself that you never realise. I know, I'm learning new side of me everyday now...I get it now when people say, you become a women when you're a mother...It's hard to explain how, but somehow your feminity just blossomed and feel right in your own skin. 

As for the books I've read; Emotional Awareness Dialogue between Dalai Lama & Eckman has been a HUGE help for me overcoming and understanding my own emotion 'rollercoaster'. Especially since everything is 'hormonally'(is there such a word) driven, and it was rather depressing...but Alhamdulillah, the dialogue talks about the technical aspect and the spiritual aspect of human and its emotion, and all the types of emotion that circles around an individual.  I can get quite heavy at times, but I read it and put it down once in a while, so it doesn't seem too overwhelming than reading it in one go. So, to those who would love to have an insight of what 'emotion' is all about from Eckman's and the Dalai Lama himself, should definitely try and read this book.

The Baby Book is full of illustration, I find it informative from a 'pro's point of view (the gy/ob which is the husband) and the mother's point of view (the book is written by husband and wife). Great book to have around for quick reference and info's (at times you're too lazy to turn on the pc)

I'm feeling a sudden drowsiness and sleepy (yup..this is totally normal for me), me and my husband could be in a middle of a conversation, and I would stop suddenly and feel like sleeping. It's weird...hahahha...

I'm not sure i'll be on the blogging wagon just yet, I'm planning to stay away from being online untill little feet's arrival...But I hope to be blogging again soon and to read and hear more from all of you soon. Do know that I do miss blogging and speaking to you lovely ladies again. *virtual hugs* May God bless all of you, and my best prayer for all of you! 

Love+Peace,

H

Unplugged: Currently Reading

Salam,

Since I won't be online for awhile, I'll be busy reading. Here is what I have by my bedside as I give myself some relaxing time throughout the day:

On Children By Khalil Gibran

Marianna, Kahlil's Sister. Painting by Kahlil Gibran

Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.

You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,
which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them,
but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.

You are the bows from which your children
as living arrows are sent forth.
The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite,
and He bends you with His might
that His arrows may go swift and far.
Let your bending in the archer's hand be for gladness;
For even as He loves the arrow that flies,
so He loves also the bow that is stable.

H notes:  Now being a parent, i see a new light in perspective on a child. It's a day to day ambition, a day to day achievement...Expectation may be the key of a lot of dissapointment, but I can only do but pray and hope that my step son, the little feet (and insyaAllah, many of our children to come) would grow up as a steady arrow and soar forward...May God guide me to be the best Bow i can be...Amen~

Saying Something

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم

salam,

Phew, it's been awhile don't you think? I apologize for the lack of updates since it was a hard week for me last week. I was going through a parental meltdown and since my mum finally came back after 6 months away from home, visiting my eldest sister in the UK, i couldn't find a more prefect timing to bond and share my 'meltdown' with her. I missed my mum, and going through crash course to parenthood, and not having anyone around me to share them with (besides you girls in my blogs), having her back is like a bucket of water over a small triggering flame. Alhamdulillah. 

And now, after gaining new motivations...and really being optimistic (as cliche as it sound), things are definitely looking up. Negative aura is out the window and to make it great again, I could READ again...together now, YAY!! I tried not to get ambitious about reading, so before i jump on the pregnancy research wagon again, i tried reading something light. My mum brough back some books which she bought for her in-flight reading material, adding to my suprise over other things she brought back, i found a book that was on my reading list : The Girls of Riyadh which she bought on her flight break in Dubai, visiting my younger sister.

As for my review, it's like i mentioned, it is a very light read and to be frank, it's really not that bad. It would be like reading pages of post from your favorite anonymous-reality-blog. Something like Sex-In-The-City Saudi style. Definitely one of your in-flight reading material. 

Updates on my parental dilemma? Alhamdulillah, i think we're making progress at home, my step son and i, we're slowly tolerating and cooperating to each other. Let's hope the next parental-roller-coaster won't drive me up the wall. Being a mum sure makes us appreciate our mum much more, i couldn't imagine there's a higher degree of appreciating and loving our mother, but there is...SubhanAllah. 

I'm starting to get baby bumps, and it's pretty visible already. Although since i'm always clad in loose fitting blouses and abaya, it's still not too obvious. I'm still pretty hungry all the time. and by afternoon, i'm still getting all heavy-eyed. And since i've started to go back to the university to teach again, i've been counting my yawn every afternoon i'm in class. Thank God i'm only have class 2 days a week, or else i'm sure the kids is taking more of my tonsil than the notes i'm sending. *shheessh* I gave my first lecture last week, and i'm still very excited with teaching. I might consider their offer for me to teach more classes, insyaAllah...probably after the little feet is out and about. I even consider having little feet dangling in baby pouch around my body whenever i go to teach...i wonder if the university would think it's a bad idea...*hmm* who knows, insyaAllah.

More updates insyaAllah, in the meantime. Take one day at a time...

"Yesterday is a lesson, Today is a chance, and Tomorrow is uncertain"...YALLAH!!

Love+Peace,

H

Why I still insist on Home Birth

Taken from http://bringbirthhome.com/home-birth-safety/ 

When hearing the news that I had my last baby at home and am planning to have this one at home as well, the first response from most people is, “You’re so brave.”

This has to be one of the most irritating things that people say to homebirthers. The implication is that birth is dangerous and that we are willing to take on a tremendous risk to do it anywhere but a hospital.

It negates the research and planning that we’ve done to come to this decision. It makes the choice about balls, not brains. After all, homebirth is “dangerous.” Hospital birth is “safe.” Therefore, it must be bravado alone that would lead a woman to choosing such an option. Right?

In 2003, over 20% of women had their labors induced, with a rate closer to 40% in many hospitals, while that rate should not exceed 10% (and has remained at 10% in most industrialized nations).

Inductions are approximately 5 times more likely among planned hospital births than planned homebirths. An 1999 American Journal of Obstetrics and Gynecology “Green Journal” review of 7000 inductions found that 3 out of 4 of the inductions were not medically necessary.

Inductions are performed unnecessarily for estimated size of the baby (too large or too small), going past the estimated due date, amniotic fluid levels that are low but not critically low (correctable in nearly all cases by rehydration of the mother), rupture of membranes without immediate start of labor, the mother being dilated/effaced but not in active labor, or scheduling reasons on the part of the mother or care provider.

Approximately 40-50% of inductions fail (depending on the induction method used and the mother’s Bishop score), and most failed inductions end in cesarean section. Inductions increase labor pain and length, and create, among other problems, an increased risk of fetal distress, uterine rupture, and cesarean section.

But homebirth is “dangerous.” Hospital birth is “safe.”

Over 30% of women in the US have cesarean sections, while overwhelming research has led the World Health Organization to set an ideal standard rate of cesarean sections at 10-12%, with 15% being the rate where more harm is being done instead of good. Cesareans are performed at a similar rate across all risk groups, low to high. The cesarean rate for planned births at home or in an independent birthing center is approximately 4%.

Cesarean sections increase the likelihood of maternal death by as much as 4 times, and have other immediate and long-term heath risks for mothers that include, but are not limited to, infection, bowel or bladder perforation, hysterectomy, future infertility, and increased risk of uterine rupture for future pregnancies.

Risks for the baby include respiratory distress, fetal injury, prematurity (if result of scheduled section or failed induction), and breastfeeding difficulties.

Four of the greatest causes for the increase in cesarean section are overuse of interventions during labor, concern for malpractice/liability on the part of care providers, failed labor inductions, and “failure to progress” (labor not progressing fast enough or regularly enough for care providers).

But homebirth is “dangerous” and hospital birth is “safe.”

The ACOG and AMA have both come out against homebirthing, calling it a dangerous trend and referring to it as a “fashionable, trendy, [...] the latest cause célèbre,” and they paint a horrible picture of complications arising in low-risk pregnancies with no warning that cannot be handled anywhere but the hospital.

Despite that, the most thorough study ever done on homebirth safety, Kenneth C Johnson and Betty-Anne Daviss’s Outcomes of planned home births with certified professional midwives: large prospective study in North America, BMJ 2005;330:1416 (18 June), found that the outcomes of planned homebirths for low risk mothers were the same as the outcomes of planned hospital births for low risk mothers, with a significantly lower incident of interventions in the homebirth group.

The Lewis Mehl Study of home and hospital births, which matched couples in each group for age, parity, education, race, and pregnancy/birth risk factors, found the hospital group had 9 times the rate of episiotomies and tearing, 3 times the cesarean rate, 6 times the fetal distress, 2 times the use of oxytocin for induction/augmentation, 9 times the use of analgesia/anesthesia, 5 times the rate of maternal blood pressure increase, 3 times the rate of maternal hemorrhage, 4 times the rate of infection, 20 times the rate of forceps use, and 30 times teh rate of birth injuries (including skull fractures and nerve damage).

Breastfeeding success rates are higher and postpartum depression rates are lower for planned homebirths.

But homebirth is “dangerous” and hospital birth is “safe.”

The United States spends more per pregnancy/birth than any other country, the vast majority of women in the US give birth in hospitals, and yet the US’s maternal death rate is the worst among 28 industrialized nations and the neonatal mortality rate is the second worst.

The Netherlands, where 36% of babies are born at home, has lower maternal and neonatal mortality rates than the US. Denmark, where all women have access to the option for a safe and legal home birth, has one of the lowest maternal and neonatal mortality rates.

But homebirth is “dangerous,” hospital birth is “safe,” and Brutus is an honorable man.

I didn’t choose a homebirth because I am brave. Bravery has little to do with it. If anything, I believe women who choose to give birth in US hospitals are the brave ones, because knowing what I know about our technocratic obstetrical system, I can’t imagine voluntarily choosing an obstetrician and a hospital for anything but absolute medical necessity.

My decision to homebirth wasn’t made in a void, but based upon years of research. I wonder how much research the average woman puts into her hospital birth?

Considering how many times I’ve heard someone say “I’m glad I was in the hospital because…” and then given as her reason a non-emergent situation (such as fetal size or nuchal cords), I’d say not that much.

Call me stubborn, because I wasn’t willing to accept out of hand the culturally held belief that hospitals are safer.

Call me an idealist, because I believe that birth can be a positive, safe, and empowering experience for child and mother.

Call me a nonconformist, because I choose to birth at home in defiance of a powerful technocratic system.

Call me outspoken, because I can’t keep my mouth shut when I hear about yet another iatrogenic birth calamity.

Call me a “birth nazi,” because I believe it’s the right and responsibility of every woman to educate herself about birth and take ownership of her birth experience.

But brave? Don’t call me brave. “Brave” has nothing to do with it.

Morgan is a freelance writer and co-director of North Metro Birth & Breastfeeding Coalition. Email Morgan at morgan@mcfamilies.com

Read Morgan’s follow up article, “Birth Safety as a Binary Condition.”

Love: Calvin & Hobbes

Some ideas for that extra snow laying around...if you're still all moody that the holiday is over, a way to vent it out. Let it go people...let it go....

Separating Truth from Falsehood

source: here

Bismillah-hir Rahman-nir Raheem (in the Name of Allah, the Beneficent, the Merciful)

[If you like this article, please share it with your friends]

We live in a world of division, not unity. A world of sects that divide us, not one ummah. A world where lies are mixed with the truth. It shouldn’t be like this. And we all know it.

The problem is, everyone thinks that they are right but this simply cannot be true. Everyone has someone else to quote to back them up. The quotes seem to come from ‘pious’ people from previous generations; sometimes from people who are or claim to be from the lineage of the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him). But when asked, “where’s this quote come from?”, you are either told some vague answer or barked at for questioning the source, or are actually given a reference which, when you check it out, is either wrong or without basis or credence, or had nothing to do with anything the Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) said.

The fact is that people need to learn the difference between truth and falsehood. But how are they going to know who is speaking the truth and who is speaking falsehood?

We are not meant to be an ummah of blind followers. With all the fitna (confusion) in the world, it makes sense that we have to determine what is the truth from the falsehood. We have to question the source of everything and this is the responsibility of EVERYONE. You need to make sure that what you learn about Islam is TRUE Islam – not lies, not made-up things, not hearsay, not fabrications, not mistakes, not errors – we need nothing short of the truth. And if you are SINCERELY looking for the truth, it will become clear to you – Truth is clear from Falsehood. Start to educate yourself about Islam, about Aqeedah (Islamic belief) and about the hadiths (sunnah – the various different classifications of hadith).

HOW DO WE KNOW WHAT IS THE TRUTH?

Authentic Hadith

We have to make sure that what we are told is GENUINE, is AUTHENTIC NARRATION, is from the Prophet Muhammad (pbuh). If it isn’t from the Prophet Muhammad (pbuh), then why are you following it?

What is an authentic narration? An authentic narration is one that has been proven to be strong (sahih) and contains no errors, mistakes, lies etc. For the ordinary person, start with Sahih Muslim and Sahih Bukhari. Other good collections are Sunan Abu Dawud, Sunan Tirmidhi, Sunan Ibn-e-Majah, Muwatta Imam Malik. There are other collections also but these ones that I have named, have been translated into English. There are several classifications of hadith so learn about this and you will soon realise the difference between strong hadiths and weak ones.

BEWARE of fabricated hadiths, weak hadiths and sayings that seem to be based more in philosophy rather than on what the Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) said. Check what you are reading. If you can’t work out what is an authentic narration/hadith then ask around.

Islam is not based on confusion

We have to make sure that what we are told DOES NOT CONTRADICT nor go against what we have been taught by the best of creation (the Prophet Muhammad, peace be upon him), nor what we have been Commanded to do by Allah (subhana wa ta’ala) in the Qur’an. We are here to obey the Commandments of Allah and what has been revealed to us through the Prophet Muhammad (pbuh). NO ONE ELSE comes into this picture.

If you are following a sufi, saint, pir, wali, then you must question ANYTHING that has no basis in the Sunnah and ANYTHING which seems to contradict the SUNNAH. And when I say sunnah, I am talking about authentic narrations, with the proper meanings and context. Beware of weak hadiths and fabricated hadiths (as mentioned above) – there are plenty of those around. DO NOT FOLLOW BLINDLY. Don’t take your sufi, saint, pir’s word at face value – that would be wrong! Check what they have said with other knowledgeable people, with authentic texts, with the Qur’an and the Sunnah.

If a ruling was established in the time of the Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) and the first 3 generations of Muslims, then no one after is qualified or pious enough to contradict those rulings or invent new rulings to replace them. For example, interest was made haraam by Allah in the Qur’an – this is well established and clear. So it is not for modern-day ‘experts’ to say that it is ok to have mortgages and go against the Commandment of Allah.

Learn your deen properly from scholars grounded in Islam, who have studied Aqeedah, Fiqh, Hadith, Arabic, Qur’an etc.

• Not people from the village, whose credentials can always be questioned.
• Not from people who’s character is in question.
• Not from people whom you feel obliged to give them money (even if they didn’t ask for anything).
• Not from people who engage in taweez (the majority of which have been classified as not from Islam nor from what the Prophet Muhammad, pbuh, did).
• Not from people who practise rituals that the Prophet pbuh did not ever do himself (eg. celebrating birthdays or khatims).
• Not from people who make up their OWN opinions on things, which were not from the Prophet Muhammad, pbuh.
• Not from people who do dhikr in gatherings, chanting in a manner that the Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) didn’t do.
• Not from people who are seeking visions as a means to gain guidance from Allah – Allah Grants visions to whom He Wills.
• Not from people who claim to interact with Jinns as a means to help you – this was not the way of the Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) nor any of the Sahabas.

Allah Has Provided us with a Complete Religion

We have to make sure that what we are told DOES NOT INTRODUCE NEW MATTERS into the Deen – Allah has Perfected the Deen for us and did not take the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) away until this had been done. So there is no need for any new matter to be introduced as being part of the deen.

This includes birthdays, khatims, visiting graves for the purpose of asking the people in the grave for help, introducing new ways of dhikr and so on. None of these things were practised at the time of the Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) nor in the time of the first 3 generations of Muslims. The Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) did not need these practises so we don’t either! It’s very simple.

It doesn’t matter if someone pious, who came many years after, did something in a certain way – we don’t follow anyone except the Prophet Muhammad (pbuh). It doesn’t matter if someone claims they are from the lineage of the Prophet (pbuh) – we do not do anything except follow the Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) which is what everyone should be doing anyway. We have not been instructed to go through dead intermediaries and ask them for help.

These are things you need to learn about, so please go out and learn about them. Don’t follow blindly.

It is okay to question things

There is nothing wrong with questioning things, as long as you are not intending mischief and are genuinely trying to get at the truth of the matter and understanding. Any sincere, learned person should be able to answer your questions by referring to the Qur’an and what the Prophet (pbuh) has said in authentic hadiths. There is nothing in Islam which doesn’t make sense, so your answer shouldnt create more confusion. And any answer you are given should match what is in Qur’an and hadith.

For example, some people kiss their thumbs and raise their thumbs to their eyes whenever the name of the Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) is mentioned. If you ask about this, what answer will you get that is from Qur’an and Sunnah?

You won’t get an answer that is from Qur’an and Sunnah. If it was from Qur’an and Sunnah, you would easily be able to find an authentic narration from the Prophet (pbuh) that instructed the sahabas to do this. There isn’t an authentic hadith to back this up – so reject this and do not follow this ritual of kissing the thumbs and raising them to your eyes.

Remember, answers should be based in Qur’an and Sunnah and directly go back to the Prophet Muhammad (pbuh).

Check things out properly

Even in the time of Rasoolullah (pbuh), the sahabas used their sense. When the Messenger of Allah, peace be upon him, went on Al-Israa Wal-Mi’raj (the Night Journey to Masjid Al-Aqsa and then to the 7 heavens), the arabs of Makkah went to Abu Bakr (ra) and said, “Look at what your Prophet is saying, he is claiming to have journeyed to Jerusalem and come back, in the same night!” Abu Bakr replied, “IF what you are saying is from Muhammad, pbuh, then it is true.”

IF.

Even Abu Bakr, the best of the sahabas, knew that he needed to verify what was being said. So why, oh why, are we today, willing to just accept anything, from anyone, without verifying it against authentic sources, without checking that there is truth in what’s being said.

Look at Forced Marriages – some Muslim parents believe it is their right to choose the marital partner of their offspring. Where have they got this from? Where’s the evidence? When you look into the matter, you find that they are following nothing but tradition – and it’s not even a Muslim tradition, it’s a Hindu one! So why are you not questioning what you are taught? Why are you happy to be spoon-fed when Allah Created you with intellect and understanding?

I don’t say be mischievous and argue every little thing – have etiquettes in your asking. Enquire in the best of manners. But Search for the Truth of the Matter! Don’t just leave it to hearsay.

Where have these quotes come from? Just what ARE these evidences?

As I am writing this, I have received a text from someone saying, fast on this and this day – if you do that you will get rewards equal to 80 years. This person texted the message without providing any proof whatsoever about this. No reference, no way of checking it out. So if I was to act on this, I would be doing so on hearsay.

Islam is not hearsay. Christianity is hearsay and we are not Christians. Judaism is hearsay because it has been tampered with and we are not Jews. Buddhism is hearsay and we are not Buddhists. Every religion is hearsay but not Islam. SO give Islam it’s due and stick to the truth, not hearsay.

Truth is not based on lineage

Shias, Berailwis and others share the same thinking – follow syeds who are from the lineage of the Prophet (pbuh); follow the lineage of Ali (ra), follow personalities who have come after Rasoolullah (pbuh), instead of ONLY FOLLOWING Rasoolullah (pbuh).

There is a reason, a wisdom why the Prophet (pbuh) did not leave behind any male successors – there is a reason and wisdom why Allah Ordained this. So that we DO NOT establish following based on blood – we instead base following on TRUTH!

So how can the shia be correct? What Prophet, in the history of Prophets, was spared his whole family lineage being protected and on the truth? NONE. The children of Israel went astray, the offspring of Nuh (as) were disbelievers, the wife of Lut (as) was a disbeliever, one of the Sons of Aadam went astray, and so on. If Allah Had Protected the lineage of the Prophet (pbuh), we would have been told about this. But hey, guess what, Ali is a cousin – not a direct successor of the Prophet (pbuh), so the lineage thing, even if there was one, cannot even be applied to him!

Syeds! The Indian sub-continent is apparently rife with Syeds! Funny that, how a lot seem to be of Pakistani/Indian origin, despite the fact that the Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) was of Arab origin and from the noble tribe of Quraysh. Funny how people ignore this simple fact. Why do you not question things like this? Since when has blood relations spared people from going astray? It hasn’t!

Use your head and intellect

People don’t always quote where they are getting their information from. Or if they do, they are not quoting from authentic sources or they have misinterpreted what they are relaying to you. Some people are saying things that they are not even qualified to say – they are not experts in the field. If you are doing the same, what’s makes you different from any other claim? Berailwis say this, Qadiyanis say that, Shias say one thing, wahhabis say another. It’s the truth that makes the difference – so what are you basing truth on?

There are those who say, well even if you were quoting references and evidences, then the ordinary Muslim cannot work out whether this is true or not – cannot verify this. That’s not the point. At least these Muslims are basing their actions on references which can be challenged and verified by scholars. At least we are not relying on hearsay and what someone claims they have been told.

There are weak and fabricated hadiths – this is a reality. There were people in the times of the Prophet Muhammad pbuh who were hypocrites and liars and enemies of Islam. They wanted to spread lies and divide the Muslims. How do you think Musaylima the liar started? How do you think the jews of Madinah spread discensions between the tribes of Awz and Al-Khazraj, before Islam came to Madinah? Are we ignorant of the fact that Shaytaan is playing us and wants to whisper lies to us?

Wake up people! Check what you are being taught. If the person who is spreading sayings to you has no evidence to back it up, WHY ARE YOU FOLLOWING IT?

Be sincere and be around sincere people

Allah Has Not Made this Deen difficult. It is people who make it difficult. But everyone is born on fitra – a natural disposition to know and recognise the truth when it comes.

So be sincere. Think about things. Challenge things. Ask Allah for His Help and His Guidance, for you to have an understanding and to see the wood from the trees.

Stand up 4 Islam!

Beautiful souls do exist & her parenting tip

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم

salam,

I wasn't feeling so well these few weeks, but Alhamdulillah i'm feeling much better today (probably due to my craving finally done and over with, burger craving-check! thanks to my loving husband, Alhamdulillah). So the last couple of days, i passed on going for a brisk walking session with my sister in law, she came by yesterday to check out how i was. Which was very sweet of her, we talked about how we both are feeling in our pregnancy, and exchange updates on what we read and news about natural birth here in Malaysia. Good news, she told me she found a midwife who by chance would be making a stop in Malaysia to attend on her delivery this May. I'm SO happy for her! she told me she was crying for the news, and i understood how happy she much be since that's all she ever wanted. "Its beautiful, this grace" she told me, it definitely is beautiful. She went on telling me on how she met this 'travelling midwife', who was an australian, a free spirited midwife who like us, loves the idea of homeschooling our own child. She told me about the blog she writes and today, i took the opportunity to go through the midwife, name Ela,'s blog. SubhanAllah, truely she's an amazing women...very free spirited and full of love. I love how beautiful her soul is, and her gorgeous and very aware daughter. I can't wait to meet her, in May InsyaAllah. Who knows, she might help me deliver my own little feet. InsyaAllah...I would love that. I would like to share her article she shared on raising a child with respect and not punishment, which is BEAUTIFUL! great parenting tip...


Respect Not Punishment by Ela Forest

Only In Fiction

“Mama, why does Harry Potter do that? Why doesn’t he just ask a grown-up for help?” asks my daughter, Sequoia, with whom I have been reading the Harry Potter series lately.

“He’s afraid of getting in trouble,” I answer, knowing that this explanation doesn’t really make sense to a child who has never been punished.

To the children in JK Rowling’s books, punishment is a fate worse than death. They regularly risk their lives to avoid getting into trouble or expelled.

When my child was small, I realised that it would be disrespectful to punish her for being a child, especially when I wouldn’t hand out punishments to my friends or partner.

Punishment For Accidents?

The thought of telling my partner to take a “time out” for knocking over a glass of milk, or giving him a stern talking to and taking away his computer privileges for accidentally breaking something would be ludicrous.

I hear many parents talking about setting only “natural consequences,” but in practice, this is just a fancy way of saying “let the punishment fit the crime.”

If my child breaks her favourite toy, the true natural consequence is that her toy is broken – telling her that her toys will be confiscated until she can learn to treat them better isn’t a natural consequence: it’s a punishment.

I have found that when I relate to my child with respect, she is very well behaved and she needs no punishment. When she forgets, or has an accident, and something is broken, she feels genuine remorse, and is able to process that in a healthy way, without fear of retribution.

I see other children who are accustomed to receiving punishments – they live in fear of grown-ups. When my daughter had a friend over, and they accidentally broke a plate, Sequoia’s friend was fearful and wanted to hide the evidence, whereas Sequoia was sad that the plate was broken, and came to me saying that she was sorry, and asked for help to clean it up.

If I had punished Sequoia for breaking the plate, she wouldn’t learn to take more care of plates (and after all, every one breaks something once in a while) – what she would learn is that she can’t feel safe to tell me when something is broken. It would teach her to hide the truth and lie to me – which I would then have to punish her for, increasing the cycle.

The Consequence Of Punishment

In our culture, we believe that it is necessary to punish children in order to correct them, so they learn not to make the same transgression again. However, the reality is that the punishment doesn’t really teach children how to behave, but to fear punishments, and to get better at avoiding them.
Not only that; I found that if I punished Sequoia for some transgression, she was less likely to learn the lesson I had intended to teach her – rather, she felt that I was someone to be feared.

If I were to punish my child for breaking a plate, she would then carry the fear of punishment with her the next time she carries a plate: she will be nervous about being punished again instead of being careful with the plate, leading to more breakages.

Dealing With A Contrary Child

Recently, Sequoia went through a phase of being contrary and not doing what I asked her. I felt frustrated; like she was never listening to me. One night she was jumping on my bed, and I asked her to stop, but she didn’t and the bed broke.

My immediate reaction was to shout at her, and punish her. Instead, I took a deep breath, and said, “I need to talk to you. I’m feeling very frustrated that the bed is broken and even more frustrated that I asked you to stop but you didn’t listen to me. Now I feel I can’t trust you.” Sequoia was truly remorseful and apologised sincerely. We had a long talk about respect and safety, and then we were able to work together to repair the bed.

I can see that if I had given in to my anger and punished her, she wouldn’t have listened to what I was saying and how I was feeling; she would only hear the punishment, and wouldn’t have really understood that she had done something wrong.

What I have learned again and again is that when one lives in a state of fear, spiritual growth is stifled, and I don’t want my child to be living in fear of punishments, especially not from her mother, who should be a safe haven.

A Trusting Not A Fearful Relationship Is The Key

When a child is accustomed to being punished by grown-ups she will become fearful of them rather than developing a trusting relationship. I think of my child as a student of life. I am not her teacher so much as an experienced guide. As a guide, I wouldn’t punish someone for making a mistake or having an accident – I simply lead by example.

If a child misbehaves, it isn’t because the child is bad or intentionally breaking rules – it is an accident: the child is learning.

I hear exasperated parents saying “but I’ve told my child so many times not to do that!” Of course it can be frustrating, but imagine you are a piano teacher and the child your student.

You tell the student to play C and then A sharp, but the child gets confused again and again, playing D and then A sharp. The more the teacher shouts at the child, punishes her, tells her off for playing badly when she knows the right way, the more confused, scared and frustrated she gets.

However, if the teacher lets the mistake pass and again demonstrates the correct notes in a gentle and supportive manner, the child understands, and learns.

In this way, children are able to trust in grown-ups, and come to them when they need help, rather than hiding their transgressions our of fear.

We all learn by making mistakes, and if we are punished for making mistakes, what we will learn is punishment. If we respect and support our children as students of life, then we, their parents, will give them trust, confidence and self love.

Pregnancy & Quran

 Taken from 
http://www.harunyahya.com/books/faith/maryam/muslimwoman02.php

There are 3 miracles that can be found from these verses

The pains of labor drove her to the trunk of a date-palm. She exclaimed: 

"Oh, if only I had died before this time and was something discarded and forgotten!" A voice called out to her from under her: "Do not grieve. Your Lord has placed a small stream at your feet. Shake the trunk of the palm toward you, and fresh, ripe dates will drop down to you. Eat and drink, and delight your eyes. If you should see anyone at all, just say: 'I have made a vow of abstinence to the All-Merciful, and [so] today I will not speak to any human being.'" (Surah Maryam: 23-26)

Eat Dates

Allah advised Maryam to eat freshly ripened dates. Today, such dates are considered to be food and medicine. Scientists now know that dates contain more than ten substances considered essential for the human body's well-being and continuing health.
Dates contain plenty of the easily digested and absorbed sugars that give the human body its energy for heat and movement. More importantly, these sugars are of the fructose type and not of the glucose type, which quickly raises the blood-sugar levels. Dates provide energy, help muscle tissues and nerve cells develop, and are especially beneficial for people weakened by illness or those suffering from exhaustion, because of their high caloric value. For example, 100 grams of dates contain 1.5 grams of protein and 50 grams of carbohydrates. In addition, their caloric value is 225 kcal. Fresh dates have a 60-65 percent sugar content and a 2 percent protein content.


Modern medical findings suggest that dates benefit women who are almost ready to give birth. Doctors now advise pregnant women to take fructose-containing foods on their due dates, for such foods provide energy used by the weakened body to revitalize itself, have a trigger effect on the milk hormones and thus help the woman's body produce milk, and also increase the volume of that milk.


This information reveals some of the wisdom inherent in Allah's advice to Maryam. Another matter worth reflecting upon is the little stream created by Allah and His advice for her to eat and drink. Now, scientists inform us that people can survive on dates and water for years, because they contain all of the necessary essentials for human life.(http://www.geocities.com/SoHo/Easel/3809/hurma.htm) In fact, one renowned expert on the subject, V. H. W. Dowson, suggests that one glass of milk and one date per day provides a person's daily nutritional requirements. ("Date and Health;" www.sgp-dates.com/date.htm)


Dates contain various vitamins (e.g., A, beta-carotene, B1, B2, B3, and B6) and minerals, (e.g., sodium, potassium, calcium, magnesium, fiber, iron, sulphur, phosphorus, and chlorine) and are also rich in fiber, fats, and proteins. Some of the ensuing benefits are as follows:


A date's nutritional value is based on the balance between its minerals. During the prolonged period of morning sickness and the altering physiognomy, a shortage of potassium occurs and needs to be supplemented. This fruit's high potassium content is certainly welcome here, as its role in preserving the body's water levels.


Iron controls the red blood cells' synthesis of hemoglobin, which prevents anemia during pregnancy and also regulates the blood's RBC balance, which is so crucial for the baby's development. Due to its high iron content, one-and-a-half dates can meet the body's total iron requirement and thus prevent all complaints caused by a lack of iron.


Calcium and phosphorus are very important elements in developing and balancing the skeleton and the bone structures. Dates protect the body from anemia and weak bones, and thus reduce the risk of such illnesses with their high nutritional value and high phosphorus, calcium, and iron content.


Scientists point out that dates can reduce stress and tension levels. Research done at Berkeley University revealed that dates are rich in vitamin B1 (the "nerve vitamin") and magnesium (essential for muscle functions), both of which are essential for a strong nervous system. Magnesium is also very important for the kidneys, and two or three dates per day are enough to meet all of the human body's magnesium requirements. ("Date and Health;" www.sgp-dates.com/date.htm)


Dates also contain folic acid (vitamin B9), which is essential for pregnant women, due to its important role in forming new blood cells, producing amino acids, and developing new cells. As a result, a pregnant woman needs double the usual daily amount of folic acid. If the body's folic acid levels fall below the required amount, bigger but less functional red blood cells are formed and anemia occurs.


Folic acid, which is crucial to developing the cell's genetic makeup and division, is the only substance that must be doubled during pregnancy. Dates are very rich in folic acid.
During pregnancy, a woman's daily vitamin A requirement increases to 800 ug. Dates are very rich in the foremost vitamin A: beta-carotene. ("Date Palm," Telmedpak Agriculture; www.telmedpak.com/agricultures.asp?a=agriculture&b=date_palm)


Most other fruits are protein-poor, but dates have good protein content. ("Date Palm," Telmedpak Agriculture; www.telmedpak.com/agricultures.asp?a=agriculture&b=date_palm)


Oxytocin is used in modern medicine to accelerate labor and is often referred as "rapid birth." It also increases the level of milk production following birth. ("Break Your Fasting On Dates," Islamonline.net; http://198.65.147.194/English/Science/2000/7/article5.shtml; "Mothering and Oxytocin or Hormonal Cocktails for Two," Sarah Blaffer Hrdy and C. Sue Carter ; www.people.virginia.edu/~rjh9u/oxytocin.html)


Our Prophet (saas) pointed out the benefits of dates in the following hadith: A family that has dates will not be hungry. (Sahih Muslim) This is a piece of very good advice.
All of our current information on dates reveals Allah's infinite wisdom and grace upon Maryam, who, inspired by Allah, satisfied all of her nutritional needs by eating dates and thereby eased her child's birth. (Allah knows best.)

   

Allah Creates a Stream

Allah told Maryam that He had placed a stream by her feet to eat, 

drink, and delight her eyes. 

Water, like dates, eases labor pains and regulates muscle tension. In fact, some modern birth clinics have pools in which the delivery takes place.


Water, which is necessary for life and one's physical well-being, plays an important role in regulating the body's temperature, transporting nutritional elements and oxygen, and removing waste matter from the body's cells. It also ensures the healthy movement of joints, skin moisture and elasticity, the digestive system, and protects tissues and organs. Water is becoming more widely used in therapy by the day. Contact with water stimulates the immune system, increases anti-stress hormone production, reduces pain, and stimulates blood circulation and metabolism.(http://www.yasamsaglik.com/HaberAraSonuc.asp?txtAnahtar1=Migren http://www.autism-tr.org/hydroteraphy.htm)


Water is important during pregnancy for several reasons. At that time, water intake is especially necessary because the volume of blood increases and because of the developing baby's needs. Women who choose to breast-feed need plenty of water to produce the necessary amount of milk. Considering that 87 percent of this milk is water, we can see how important this production is.


Water also maintains the electrolyte balances in the blood of the mother and the child. Hormones released during pregnancy alter the way various body fluids are used. Toward the end of the woman's pregnancy, blood volume increases 150 percent, and the loss of water through breathing is much greater. The amnion fluid, in which the baby grows, is renewed every three hours. However, it can decrease, as in the case of dehydration caused by insufficient water intake.


Dehydration during pregnancy also can cause premature labor. Some hormones released in such situations imitate the hormones that trigger labor pains. Cases in which premature birth is a significant risk are treated by giving fluids through the veins, a procedure that highlights the importance of water intake. Such premature tensions are often cured by this fluid therapy.


Water also forms the human body's transport system. Via the bloodstream, it carries food and oxygen to the embryo and helps prevent some common infections that can cause miscarriage or premature labor and birth. Sufficient water intake reduces the risks of such infections. ("Preganancy and Water;" www.mumcu.com/html/article.php?sid=247) Doctors inform their patients that their water requirement increases by 50 percent during pregnancy. If the water intake is insufficient, the body reduces the quantity of some fluids, which, in turn, causes various complaints.(http://www.bebek.com/index.asp?bolum=12&haberid=173)
Modern science shows once more the wisdom in Allah's creation of the stream for Maryam and His advice to eat dates and drink water. All of this is evidence of Allah's infinite knowledge.

Maryam Shakes the Date Tree

Allah tells Maryam to shake the date tree toward her when she was headed toward it in her labor pains. (Surah Maryam: 25)

Doctors say that pulling something toward oneself during labor can have a positive effect on the muscles. In order to ease labor pains and help bring about a safe delivery, women are advised to do certain exercises that reduce pressure in the body and, therefore, the risk of complications during delivery. They are also thought to quicken the process of giving birth.(http://www.bebek.com/index.asp?bolum=4&konu=49)
Doctors suggest that in the second stage of labor, the woman's head should be slightly raised to take advantage of gravity. Thus, hospital delivery rooms have beds with suitably placed handles and footrests that enable pregnant women to give birth in the most comfortable position.


Other practitioners advise their patients to squat or sit on specially adapted birth chairs. Before recent technological developments, some birth rooms featured a rope hanging from the ceiling, which the expectant mother was to use to try and pull herself up, thus helping the birth process. All of these methods are theoretically and logically helpful. ("The second stage of pregnancy;" www.mumcu.com/html/article.php?sid=43)Perhaps this is why Allah told Maryam to pull and shake the date tree. (Allah knows best.)

Wallahualam

Book Recommendation: Magical Child by Joseph Pearce

"Right from the instant of birth, says Joseph Pearce, the human child has only one concern--to learn all that there is to learn about the world. But in the West we tend to thwart this concern from the very start. Available once again, Magical Child shows how to restore this amazing capacity for creative intelligence that is innate in every human."-JCP

Listen to This: Purification Of The Heart by Hamza Yusuf