بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم
Salam,
Today was happy at first, its been a very anxious week actually. I've been married for almost a year, and we've been hoping for 'The' news each and every month since. We're pretty much ready and accepting each time. Alhamdulillah, all this while we have been a very strong believer of blessings. We know that God knows what is best for us.
I found myself moved (read: slight envy) with my friends who just gave birth, strolling their children meeting other mummy friends, and recently a good friend of mine announced that she's pregnant too...It's hard to push away that feeling. Everytime i caught myself, i had to tell myself. "He knows best for you. He knows what you need. Patient" and the cycle repeats everytime i found myself growing a green monster inside me.
Since Syawal specifically, i've been having weird 'feeling' about children. This time, its like longing and missing. Beside the fact that i was 'late', suddenly i was wishing for specific food (craving?), i pee a lot, and my belly feel tight. Finally, we thought, is this it? We decided to ditch our expectation and wait for another week before we actually go for a test. It was looking more and more 'promising' and my husband noticed about those food wishes i keep saying aloud. We made a joke 'it's either i'm pregnant, or i'm really really hungry'. We didn't entertain those craving yet though, untill i'm really sure that i have a bun in my belly. Each and everyday, more signs starts to show and i grew more anxious and excited for that pregnancy test.
Today, it started out on a beautiful morning. Me and my husband went to meet our client and look around the site. We walked and talked for about 3 hours straight around the site. Sitting only briefly occasionally. We came home, and i got a bad cramp on my stomach (uh-oh). I was looking at my husband with much worry and trying to deny the fact i was just a little late. This time, probably due to the excitement, i have to be honest...it was not easy to face the fact. I read somewhere about pseudocyesis (not pregnant but feel pregnant), and it is said due to 'wishful thinking' and it is rather normal for those who is actively 'trying' to have children. The signs could either be that (more psychological) or just hormonal premenstrual changes. Either way, i was a bit down. Untill i saw this poster about Faith in God and His Timing. Again, the cycle continues..."He knows what's best. and we know not".
May God give me patience and strength.
Amen.
http://cache2.artprintimages.com/p/LRG/30/3060/NJ2DF00Z/karen-tribett-faith-in-god.jpg
5 comments:
Sis, my cousin has a similar story that I think you will appreciate.
My cousin and her husband wanted nothing more than to have children. For 2 years they tried and nothing happened. Soon they gave up on the thought of having children, she got a good job and they both became involved in their religion and working hard. They had a great life. Every year they went on vacation, they made more friends, and they began to adjust to what their "new life" was going to be. She accepted she was not going to have children.
After 2 and a half years my cousin got pregnant! She was so afraid she would lose the baby that she did not tell anyone she was pregnant until 7 months into her pregnancy.
Now they have a little girl, and their life has changed once again.
You are both in my thoughts and prayers.
Salams
I think what unsettledsoul is very true, that often it's when you "let go and let God' that things change. A couple that are friends with my Mum and her husband married rather late (both in their late thirties), and after 2 years of trying she still hadn't gotten pregnant, so they decided to adopt instead, as soon as they'd stopped being so focused on getting pregnant and had been approved for adopting and were on the waiting list, she became pregnant, so now they have an adopted son and a biological daughter, mashAllah.
InshaAllah it won't be too long before you and your husband can expect a little one to join you :) Actually, my parents had been married for 3 years before they had me, so sometimes it just take a bit longer than we want - though I'm sure as soon as you feel ready to have a child, you want to start the process NOW.
unsettled soul, masyaAllah Thank you for sharing the story of your cousin. I really appreciate it. Alhamdulillah that they're blessed with a daughter. Things happen when it is less expected. I believe in that. Thank you for that thought and prayer. I'll keep that inspiring story of your cousin in my mind and cherish it. Again, thank you..
Becky, me and my husband actually are considering adoption. He have a 10 year old son from his previous marriage. and i know he's very lonely at time, whenever he see's all his cousin's playing with their sibling. The boy's mother (my husband's ex wife) decided not to have children anymore, but we really would love to have kids on our own. So, i told my husband...within another year if there's no news yet i would love to adopt a 4/5 year old orphan. And see how things goes...we can only plan, He is the Best Manager of All things. A lot of things can change. and He knows Best more than we think we know about ourselves. Thank you for sharing your stories...I really appreciate it.
That's beautiful MashAllah, I'll pray that Allah will bless you with children - biological or adopted :)
thank you so much sister. InsyaAllah, by His Will...insyaAllah. :)
Post a Comment