Missing My Sister

sisters: circa 1987

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم

salam,

If you happen to be my sister, Intan...do know that i miss you a lot! You see, me and my younger sister (biological) are only 2 years apart. And being the last girl couple daughter after our brothers, we tend to stuck together most of the time. Mostly to get compared to, and usually mostly threaten to of loosing any of us too. I love my sister so much (duh~), although we fight like cats and dogs, literally on each other's troat even at time for no apparent reason, she happens to be someone that i care the most. Being as an elder sister you look up to when we're young, i wasn't the best one. My history/past life are the part that i avoid to remember (keeping reminded of who i am tends to help with keeping me grounded, so at times i had to suck it up and remember) trust me, i cringe everytime i remember who i was back then. Don't get me wrong, i'm not regretting of what i did, nor do i want to change any part of it. I am blessed to have walked that life before now, going through THAT made me who i am today. Still, not my favorite thing/time/period for me to reminisce.

My sister did not picked up most what i did back then, although she did pick a few that i kick myself for. She learn better than i do when she stumbles though, so she got most of out from her by the time she's done with studies. Now, she's a very strong minded person, very independent, but at the same time, very gracious. To me, she missed most of our late father's life, since she was still small when my father started to travel out from the house. That made her at times, very aloof and tends to put up a big wall around her. But still, that wall couldn't retain how gracious she is, especially to my mother. Unlike me, who only picked up cooking after i was married(don't judge), my sister is a TALENTED cook. I envied her times spent with my mother whipping magic in the kitchen. Being such a klutz & clueless kept me sent off from the kitchen with, "don't come back untill we call you" LOL. After my brother started to travel out of the house, it has always been us 3 (me, my younger sister, & my mum-since my eldest sister who was married, stay at their own family home) my sister, the kitchen assistant and me, the handy 'man' of the house, since i'm more 'rough'. My friends noticed that the most, because they keep saying for how opposite we are. She's VERY feminine and sweet, when in my case, to most people who know me (pre-hijrah) are known as this reincarnation of 'Tank Girl' (please click to know who she is). Distinct difference to how different we are, lies on the looks of each of our room. Hers was all pink with white furnitures, with flowers and heart pattern all over the pillow and picture frames, AND with all her collection of make ups and accesories. Mine, have 3 shades of blue, with dark brown furnitures with random coloured pillow gathered on top of my piled clothes- occasional rock music blarring. (exaggeration is added for drama)

Growing up was not easy on her, being a girl and the youngest, everyone tends to stick their nose in her life-for the sake of protecting her. Although i have to say, she's been dealing it rather well. She loose her head once awhile, but only after MUCH provocation. She's really is VERY gentle. We had our heart to heart talk, more in depth after we both can be considered as adult. She once told me how she really wanted to travel, learn new culture and take care of herself. Our family was really sad in letting her go off alone, but considering that she's trying to pursue her dream and having Faith in God is all we need, her opportunity came at the right time.

My mother was comfortably retired when i got married, and that was the day that she had to live pursuing her dream. She got a job offer in Dubai, and she was left to choose between my wedding day and flying of to the middle of a dessert (pun intended). She keep saying, 'i'm pursuing my dream, i hope you understand' every time i pouted while she's packing. Although i did understand, and she knows i was happy that she get her 'break'. She's working in one of the best hotel in the world, and she finally get her wish. I know she's doing well, and i'm sure she is much of a stronger person today than EVER. She hates it when i'm lovey dovey-all touchy and huggy with her, i tend to smoosh her just to irritate her. We connect better when we're with each other, distant tends to drift the communication apart. Both of us are not big in calling/texting each other everyday. but, she does speak to my mother everyday-Alhamdulillah.

To my sister, Intan, i miss you dearly. Take care of yourself and have God in your remembrance always. My prayer is always for you. *hugs and smothering kisses-untill you say 'stop it, get off' and shove me off* LOL. Love YOU!

p/s: eye-rolling is permissible since i'm fully aware how emotionally mushy i am right now. In the count of it is permissible to be all missing her, since she's my baby sister.

sisters: circa 2008

Love+Peace,

H