Salam Sister,
I need your opinion. I hope you can give ur best advice to me. Insya Allah.
I am currently have something going on with this guy, he is older than me by 4 years. We have been seeing each other for almost 2 years. But the fact that we are not together, as a couple.
To be honest, I love and care for him. But he does not want any comitment. The truth is, he is the first guy. Maybe that is why it is hard for me to let him go. No matter what he does.
I was not treated the way I am supposed to. When he is uncomfortable, He would say that we are not even a couple and I have no rights since I am never his gf.
Sometimes when he got mad over things that I didnt even know what was my fault, I tried to explain and he said I was rude. He slapped me, hit me by any chance. Name it.
And yet, I am still with him.
Sister, I never had any experience with guys. But this time its really different. I was never treated this way ever.
He told me he has experience more than me. So whatever he said I need to obey because he knows what he is doing. At one point, I dont know where my stand is anymore ! because I was confused, things that I think I am not wrong, it is totally wrong for him.
Sister, Im done with this, Ive had enough people see him as he is using me, since I helped him when he need me but when he doesn't, I was treated like a mistress.
Would it be a sin if i refuse his calls and sms for good ? But sometimes I still do want to sms him and tell him what i'm doing but he never bothers :(
I need your opinion. I hope you can give ur best advice to me. Insya Allah.
I am currently have something going on with this guy, he is older than me by 4 years. We have been seeing each other for almost 2 years. But the fact that we are not together, as a couple.
To be honest, I love and care for him. But he does not want any comitment. The truth is, he is the first guy. Maybe that is why it is hard for me to let him go. No matter what he does.
I was not treated the way I am supposed to. When he is uncomfortable, He would say that we are not even a couple and I have no rights since I am never his gf.
Sometimes when he got mad over things that I didnt even know what was my fault, I tried to explain and he said I was rude. He slapped me, hit me by any chance. Name it.
And yet, I am still with him.
Sister, I never had any experience with guys. But this time its really different. I was never treated this way ever.
He told me he has experience more than me. So whatever he said I need to obey because he knows what he is doing. At one point, I dont know where my stand is anymore ! because I was confused, things that I think I am not wrong, it is totally wrong for him.
Sister, Im done with this, Ive had enough people see him as he is using me, since I helped him when he need me but when he doesn't, I was treated like a mistress.
Would it be a sin if i refuse his calls and sms for good ? But sometimes I still do want to sms him and tell him what i'm doing but he never bothers :(
Sister 2:
Salam my dear sister,
My heart sank as i read your letter here. Truthfully my heart share the similar if not same kind of pain before. I am sorry to know all this, and i do hope for you to have a little more courage for a far greater battle.
Before i met my husband. I was in many loving relationship before the terrible ones. Those that treated me so well and accepting of me. (i know i am very difficult) but its as if being in a beautiful relationship is such a myth, seeing my friends in an abusive relationship, i thought i was having too. I killed my relationship in a cruel way possible and found other people who treated me as badly that i thought normal.
Its hard for me to remember how terrible were those man, untill i'm reading your letter. it all comes back to me. I was in a relationship more like you do before i got married. I found a guy bestfriend that i found chemistry with. We talk about a lot of thing and spend most of our time together. It goes as long as you are right now. 2 years. He treated me like a friend as we both see it. Deep inside we have feelings for each other, we even discussed it once. He decide to let the time tells. He never did laid his finger/skin on me, that i am grateful for...(unlike the terrible man that did laid their hands on me and insensitive to my feelings) This particular person, do always speaks rudely to me when he's angry. I found myself keep tolerating, and consoling myself after he blows his fuses. He once showed me the middle finger when i was trying to help him.
This is an abuse still, even if he never laid finger on you. Please get this one straight. Abuse can't always be physical. If he can abuse you mentally and physically, and he's just cruel. I really am as Lord knows it, trying hard not to be judgemental,wishing that everyone can change...
Change comes with time, and somehow it doesnt take our effort to change the ones we love. This is a front row seat from our Lord. When he shows you by patience, that your loved ones will walk along with you on the Guided road. I hope i make sense.
1. You're not obliged to have a relationship that you're seeing now. Although the feeling is hard, remember that feeling could be channelled to Him. the One that created that Soul/Body that you're attached to with the feeling.
-so be friends with the man, but don't let your feeling blind you that your feeling is not for the object, but the beauty that attracted you from God.
2. Be casual and find the Hijab that can cover your dignity and elegance. Speak truthfully and gently. Step away from the radius too close with a man that has not made official for you.
3. You will find love, when you don't have to give more than you have to. You will find love with patience and much prayer to Lord that He knows what is best for you, He can keep the bad far far away from you. You will find love when you both can be accepting to one another...
I really don't want to sound cliche~ I just got married, at this stage we haven't found much of a challenge as it would be in another 5,10 years to come. But time is not relevant. Right now, I know that God is Merciful and He will bring peace and love to you with the RIGHT person for you.
i hope i trigger some question for you to answer. InsyaAllah, you're a smart girl. You have the answer...
The Perfection is from God, and the Flaws are from humanself me...
My heart sank as i read your letter here. Truthfully my heart share the similar if not same kind of pain before. I am sorry to know all this, and i do hope for you to have a little more courage for a far greater battle.
Before i met my husband. I was in many loving relationship before the terrible ones. Those that treated me so well and accepting of me. (i know i am very difficult) but its as if being in a beautiful relationship is such a myth, seeing my friends in an abusive relationship, i thought i was having too. I killed my relationship in a cruel way possible and found other people who treated me as badly that i thought normal.
Its hard for me to remember how terrible were those man, untill i'm reading your letter. it all comes back to me. I was in a relationship more like you do before i got married. I found a guy bestfriend that i found chemistry with. We talk about a lot of thing and spend most of our time together. It goes as long as you are right now. 2 years. He treated me like a friend as we both see it. Deep inside we have feelings for each other, we even discussed it once. He decide to let the time tells. He never did laid his finger/skin on me, that i am grateful for...(unlike the terrible man that did laid their hands on me and insensitive to my feelings) This particular person, do always speaks rudely to me when he's angry. I found myself keep tolerating, and consoling myself after he blows his fuses. He once showed me the middle finger when i was trying to help him.
This is an abuse still, even if he never laid finger on you. Please get this one straight. Abuse can't always be physical. If he can abuse you mentally and physically, and he's just cruel. I really am as Lord knows it, trying hard not to be judgemental,wishing that everyone can change...
Change comes with time, and somehow it doesnt take our effort to change the ones we love. This is a front row seat from our Lord. When he shows you by patience, that your loved ones will walk along with you on the Guided road. I hope i make sense.
1. You're not obliged to have a relationship that you're seeing now. Although the feeling is hard, remember that feeling could be channelled to Him. the One that created that Soul/Body that you're attached to with the feeling.
-so be friends with the man, but don't let your feeling blind you that your feeling is not for the object, but the beauty that attracted you from God.
2. Be casual and find the Hijab that can cover your dignity and elegance. Speak truthfully and gently. Step away from the radius too close with a man that has not made official for you.
3. You will find love, when you don't have to give more than you have to. You will find love with patience and much prayer to Lord that He knows what is best for you, He can keep the bad far far away from you. You will find love when you both can be accepting to one another...
I really don't want to sound cliche~ I just got married, at this stage we haven't found much of a challenge as it would be in another 5,10 years to come. But time is not relevant. Right now, I know that God is Merciful and He will bring peace and love to you with the RIGHT person for you.
i hope i trigger some question for you to answer. InsyaAllah, you're a smart girl. You have the answer...
The Perfection is from God, and the Flaws are from humanself me...
Sister 1:
You are right, I feel stupid I love him more than I should. I mean it should be moderate, not all about him all the time.
It just doesnt make any sense anymore. Why am I still standing behind his back, and still want to help him but he is not helping himself ?
To be honest, I cry almost everyday thinking why I put myself in this kind of situation. He doesnt bother, its obvious that when he has problems then only look for me. I am quick to sympathize, thats why when people ask my help its hard for me to say no especially him.
The song that u gave me is beatiful. But is there really a guy that would say things like that ? I do envy, to some couples, and wonder why i dont expericne it myself :(
Its sad, Sister, he told me once Im not pretty and I dont deserve any guy. He said if not him, there will be no guys will be with me, I couldnt forget that and at one time I cried like hell in front of the mirror feeling extremly sad about how I look.
Ive had enough, I want to stop everything , since whatver I do, he feels uncomfortable and angry angry angry at all times . I try to keep myself busy but it hurts so much that I couldnt think of how to move on and leave him, all behind.
It just doesnt make any sense anymore. Why am I still standing behind his back, and still want to help him but he is not helping himself ?
To be honest, I cry almost everyday thinking why I put myself in this kind of situation. He doesnt bother, its obvious that when he has problems then only look for me. I am quick to sympathize, thats why when people ask my help its hard for me to say no especially him.
The song that u gave me is beatiful. But is there really a guy that would say things like that ? I do envy, to some couples, and wonder why i dont expericne it myself :(
Its sad, Sister, he told me once Im not pretty and I dont deserve any guy. He said if not him, there will be no guys will be with me, I couldnt forget that and at one time I cried like hell in front of the mirror feeling extremly sad about how I look.
Ive had enough, I want to stop everything , since whatver I do, he feels uncomfortable and angry angry angry at all times . I try to keep myself busy but it hurts so much that I couldnt think of how to move on and leave him, all behind.
Sister 2:
No one is their right mind would say such a thing to someone they love...If its anything he's saying that because he's worthless if he leaves you, and again everytime you come back and succumb to his behaviour regardless how mean he become. Its not that its not nice to help people. Its better that you treat people nicer, especially when they are mean. Right now, the test is for YOU. NOT him. Test for your patience, and put a barrier where it is suppose to. He is not your Muhrim.
By putting on the Hijab (spiritually) insyaAllah, you're safe under His wings/ Guidance.
Of couse there really a guy that would say such things. Good news always comes to those that waits. InsyaAllah my beautiful...your time will come soon as your patience has been put to test. God knows more than we do.
This is always a challenge. Breaking heart. but do know that wounded heart makes a stronger heart. *hugs* this is the bigger battle that i told you to be strong. to let go...
Attachment for the world are best released to make space for something more permanent
By putting on the Hijab (spiritually) insyaAllah, you're safe under His wings/ Guidance.
Of couse there really a guy that would say such things. Good news always comes to those that waits. InsyaAllah my beautiful...your time will come soon as your patience has been put to test. God knows more than we do.
This is always a challenge. Breaking heart. but do know that wounded heart makes a stronger heart. *hugs* this is the bigger battle that i told you to be strong. to let go...
Attachment for the world are best released to make space for something more permanent
Sister 1:
Insya Allah, pray for me .
Oh I could meet up and have the real long hug.
THANK YOU :)
Oh I could meet up and have the real long hug.
THANK YOU :)
Sister 2:
keep having that hope, with faith...insyaAllah..We'll see each other
My prayer is for you..i hope the little of my experience help.
My prayer is for you..i hope the little of my experience help.
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