Monday Morning Mumbles

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم

salam,

We just had our breakfast, and my husband now is on his way sending his boy to school. It's one of those morning all of us woke up all cheery and fresh, and got plenty of time to relax and take our time to do our thing. I have class today, so i decided to 'try' and share something before i leave the house. My mom came and visit me on saturday and spending the night here. It was an amazing weekend, i really enjoy here visit. We shared so much, about parenting...about being a wife, about cooking and the whole mother-daughter conversation we could ask for. Having to dive into a crash course to parenting, i found myself keep breaking down feeling 'what am i doing?' and having my mum to assure me that everything would take its course is a great reliever. So, to say the least...i think that makes me feel so all 'cheery and optimistic' on a monday morning.

I'm almost 16 weeks long now (i know right? time flies like woosssh), and Alhamdulillah, the challenge is getting harder and harder but the lesson learned keeps getting better and better. One of those challenge is to keep your mind at peace. For the last 2 weeks, i've been dealing with 'rude & mean' people, at first i gotten beyond annoyed. At then i met one of my German friend who just came back from India for her silent retreat session after 3 months staying in a ashram. She told me something that i somehow forgot to remember, "God had allow all these 'negative' people to roam the earth, there must be a reason why" I keep forgetting that everything that happen around me IS by God's allowance...so, if one women to decide to yell at me, it is not my stand to point out how wrong SHE is. or how rude SHE is...but how do I, myself, tolerate what is presented in front of me. How do I respond and how i deal with it. Obviously, everytime I get reeled up about something 'not right', I'll be the one getting upset over it...I'm the one who is tensing about it. When by right, I could deal it positively, and get it over with.

My previous post, I talked about how city people were getting more hostile than i could remember. So i told myself, "God allow this people to cross my path, God allow this people to talk to me like this, If i allow myself to respond the same way, then i could see how 'ugly' it looks." So i responded in other way possible. I remember me and my mum went out for dinner, and the waitress had this most sour face you could imagine, first impression 'you're killing my mood, man~"...then i took a second, and give her the biggest, warmest and sincere smile i could find inside and just hope it makes her day. At first of course, she persist with her mood, so i keep talking to her joyfully, continue smiling like she's the sweetest person i know, and slowly she was the most helpful waitress to us that night. As cliche i would describe it, like magic the whole night and atmosphere was like a change of universe, everyone was nice towards each other. No one got into our nerve, and Alhamdulillah it turned out to be a very nice dinner out in Kuala Lumpur City! 

All i got to do now is, keep reminding myself, God allow all these things to happen everything for a reason. I wouldn't lie though, at times it slips from my mind and i let it get the best of me. InsyaAllah by having it written down in a post would allow me to remember it better...which reminds me, writing down things does wonder for a person like me. Especially during pregnancy. I have the most absent mind right now, its ridiculous. I can actually hold something and forget where i put it within 5 seconds. So, when my mum had to wait for another week because i forgot that i was suppose to return her book, i decided to just need to write it in my little black book that i took with me wherever i go. I didn't need to check and look it up again, i just need to write them down. Alhamdulillah, i found myself remembering what i needed to do. So i hope me writing this down could help me remember to keep my mind 'positive' and remember that God allows it happen for a reason. All we need to do is take a second to hear, see and Furqan (analyze) before going to auto-respond. 

Love+Peace,

H