Unplugged:Will be missing u!

Salam,

I always believe God is always there to save us, it is either we recognize it or not. A lot of things had lead to me up to this point, and although I whined countlessly and shamelessly pour my heart our here, I am at that point now that I've feel nothing but grateful. I feel better and seems to handle my emotion better too. Some part of it is thanks to the fact that I'm connect-less from the internet. I'm at my mum's, during my break from lecturing, and i'm just taking this opportunity to say I'll be out of the loop for awhile. 

Here's what I like to share before I'll start missing all of you. These is what I've been up to;

1. Learn to be my own therapist/friend/simon cowell/advisor/etc- I don't know where I got it from but I started to observe my thoughts and somehow have a dialogue going in my head. I talked earlier in my blog about taking the time to analyze a situation, and this new found 'method' (at first, I thought I was going nuts), somehow helps.Alhamdulillah, It had helped me buy some time before reacting to an emotion I have, and I somehow have my husband notice the 'improvement' too. I guess, as cliche as it sound, no matter how many people around you, the best person to listen is always yourself.

2. Taking a break in my daily task- Using prayer as meditation and reflection moment. 

3. Accepting that I am not perfect, and there are times I deserve a break.

4. Organize, but never plan. It's okay that I don't get EVERYTHING figured out beforehand, and expect that everything that doesn't go my way, happen for a better reason. Period.

5. Appreciating moments, not days. especially appreciating being pregnant and basking my time in all it's glory of its transition into motherhood. 

Love+Peace,

H

Another Pregnancy Post: my rainbows

salam,

I'm gaining strength Alhamdulillah, through one day at a time. Honestly, I was definitely praying to God for the blessing of having my own child, truth be told, and I can't tell you how grateful I am when my prayer was answered. As I go through it, I started to doubt my self...(it's okay, judge me all you want). I got scared since I struggle with my step son, the noise started to play in my head, "can i really do this?", "Did I asked something that I couldn't handle?", and it sure did not come easy since 'LIFE' goes on..and there's up's and down's. Challenges and test comes from left and right. I broke down way too much that I couldn't understand it. The more I try to let it out, the more I was judged. Like it was 'unaccepted' for anyone to go through vulnerability. So most of the time, I keep it in. And then, the more I keep it in, the more it eats me up inside. The painful part was, I was aware of all of this, and I couldn't help myself. 

Then I started to think back about the blessings, the prayer that was answered, the child I'm bearing...My own transition for being a mother. The more I keep myself in this suffering, the more I'm being selfish. I'm harming my own child, every time I let myself 'thinking' I 'needed' to suffer. As I started to read, and meditate again, trying to keep my mind 'in control', Alhamdulillah, I'm starting to see my little rainbow. We all forget, especially going through 'crazy' times, that at the end of the day, when we're alone on earth (when no one but yourself can help you), we forgot about 'The One'. At least, I know I did. It took me, several breakdown, painful loneliness, secret worries, I even hide myself under a bed (!) because I just wanted to disappear from everything, -to find out I didn't even ask help from the 'Bigger' Power. I pray to God everyday, but sometimes, it takes more than a thought to find your spirit and restore it strength. As my mind quiet down, as I let go negativity like wind passes through, and keep telling myself 'I don't need to explain myself to anyone', I find myself finding more and more strength. All those time I thought I couldn't help myself, true enough sometimes I'm not strong enough to help myself. We all need a 'higher' energy to give us more strength. It's only after His help, that anyone else could (including ourselves) reach out and give the extra hand.

My husband has been so patient with me throughout these 'difficult' episodes, that I have nothing but greater respect for him. He's been accepting me, without judgement, and continue to support me without pushing me towards any direction that I don't feel like going. I have the tendency to 'please' people, but with him...he never seemed to 'push' me, regardless how idiotic my decision is, he gets my intention...and it is always easier to communicate when it comes to him. So sayang, May God bless you for being who you are, even after all the things 'people' say...

That being said, I would like to remind myself here of all the rainbows that I have in my life right now;

1. Being bless with a baby in my belly

2. Not to have nausea/morning sickness/feet cramps/etc & etc of long list of pregnancy hiccups. 

3. Having a supportive mother. and entering to motherhood, brought another level of respect for my mama.

4. Finally having great good night sleep...*sigh*

5. Loving husband, I shouldn't say more...

6. Dalai Lama...(book review coming your way!-this book helped me upon everything else I'm doing)

7. Getting to open the window, and to have fresh air hits my face every single day. I live in such beautiful place, I still can't believe it. 

* Upon a lot of things I'm thankful for, I'll stop at 7 for the 7 colours of the rainbow..LOL..

Alhamdulillah...

My mum made me feel like I'm a planet

salam,

This is what happen when we shopped for my maternity pants today;
I finally admit that it's about time that I get myself one of those maternity pants. Some of my friends swore by it, but since most of my clothes are loose fitting, it had helped me hold on to most of my clothes. Except for my pants. My belly is growing and besides my drawstrings and pajama pants, I hardly have any other pants to wear. So today my mum decided to find maternity pants for me. We went to the nearest mall, near my mum's house, and we started looking through some of the maternity pants. I'm a jeans person, so I was thrilled to see they have 'jeans' looking maternity pants. Straight away, aware that I've grown a few inches *ehem* beyond my waistline, I grabbed a size L. Accepting that I'm normal-pregnant lady-ballooning. The jeans has some elastic fabric on it, and its stretchy. It's a comfortable pants, compared to my last pair of jeans that I'm clinging on. I come out of the changing room to show my mum, and she asked if it was 'tight', because it look snugged especially on the thigh. It's comfortable, but I'm only 5 months pregnant, and I still have more than a couple of months to go through, insyaAllah. More room would be a good for the long run, so I agreed to try another size bigger. yes, XL. Again, I went into the changing room and try it on. It does feel room-ier, and to be realistic of the anticipated size I'll grow into, I feel great getting this pants. It looks great and it feel WONDERFUL. So, I come out of the changing room to show my mum that this pants is great, she keep looking at my thigh, and asked if its tight again. Again, I told her it's stretchable, and I think I'm fine. She asked if there's another size up. My jaw dropped, and told her that they have 'XXL'.

Mum:"Why don't you try it on"
Me: "Okay, if you insist, but do know that you're making me feel more depressed"

We laughed it out, as I try the XXL size. I was more than relief to feel the elastic part barely hanging on to anything, doubting that I'll ever go that big for the next 4 months or so. So for the last time, I stepped out of the changing room, not feeling like I'm a planet anymore. and glad that my mum also thinks that I'm not that huge...ahhahahah...Love you ma!

I read a lot about pregnant women feeling all depressed about ballooning, feeling fat, and I being a person who barely feel too conscious about my 'size', never thought I'll ever understand how they feel. To me, as long as I'm eating right and try to keep myself healthy, it's good enough for me. Being thin or skinny was something I battled with during my teen life, and getting over it was a huge liberation. But to tell you frankly, I was not prepared of how huge pregnant women can really get. I was surprised last week to look myself in the mirror and see how 'HUGE' I look. and at that point, I finally understood everything I read. Especially today when my mum, by no intention of course, make me feel like a planet...ahahha..

I can't wait to get VERY huge and embrace it now.

Love+Peace,
H

It's a roller coaster ride

salam,

I was on a terrible emotional roller coaster for the past few days, my mum insist it's just my hormone gone haywire...but I would like to think I still do have some control over myself regardless of a chemical in my body spritzing random emotional stuff all over my brain. So I won't blame it entirely on my 'hormone'. 

What I learn these past few days are how to keep yourself really really patient. I know I've talked about this before, but it always easier said than done. Probably that is why it is so powerful there is this saying that 'Patience is a VIRTUE'. A highest standard of moral. And we all know how something at the 'peak' takes a lot of effort to reach. I'm not the most patient and graceful person on earth, I break down and blow up easily. That is something that I been praying a lot, to have more patient...and Alhamduillah I'm VERY fortunate enough to have met some of the most patient people on earth through my journey. Having them in my thought, remind me that it's a rare trade that a lot of people lack...and it is such a wonderful thing to have in a person. It just makes the person so beautiful, to accept life as a whole...The highs and the downs. 

I was going through inspirational words and pictures, because i think it's such a therapeutic thing to see positive things. Then I stumbled upon a blog which asked me an important question in life ;

source; http://www.thatunreliablegirl.com/2008/10/interlude-road-trip-archives.html

which leads me to write this post. I was so caught up with some 'sad' things that effected my life, that I forgot to distract my self with my surrounding blessings. I forgot how journey leads to a lesson, and I forgot to put the lesson in my life instead of living in the lesson. Am I where I want to be? Yes, and it's amazing...and it's all that matters. Alhamdulillah. I need to remind myself that, and to lead my life more patiently. 

p/s: Thank you for all of your kind words, reader. I appreciate it so much...May God bless all of you.

Love+Peace,

H

Pregnancy Stress

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم

salam,

A lot happened these past few weeks, and I really can't say I'm on my best moods...Something happened earlier last week that really gotten me depressed...I tried hard to dismiss it, and really trying hard to ignore it for the sake of my baby. Some people had a way of trying to hurt you and say mean things to you, and at times it gets the best of you. Well, it got the best of me. Although I tried to be a better person in the situation, damage was done and VERY hurtful thing was said. Forgive is easy, but words of hate can't be easily forgotten. I am trying to accept that I can't change people's view and I can't change people's mind/behaviour...All I can do, is keeping my mind at peace, and pray that God give me strength and patience to deal with negative and angry people around me. I hate crying and feeling bad, and I'm feeling guilty to my baby. I'm sorry little feet, I'm really trying to be strong for you...I'm trying not to cry and be more patient. I hope you won't be an angry person, I hope you're going to be a very patient person, full of grace and politeness. I hope this are all just a test to build your character....I pray to God may you be more than I am. Amin. 

I was crying myself to bed last night, trying to keep it all in, and really try to be patient. Alhamdulillah, my husband was there to ease the stress...He keep reminding me to be really patient and pray that God will make it easier for us. It is easier to lash back out and exchange mean things to say..it does feels better, but it definitely won't make things better. So, I decided to really keep my mouth shut, and let these people get away with it. My prayer is that I hope people have more mercy upon other people and anger is really is a destructive tool on your heart and mind. May God protect me, and give me patient and strength. Amen....

Happy You:Happy Me

All of us wants to be happy, 

then it's best we share our happiness and let other feel them too...

In any way they choose...

because you chose your own way

and other ways doesn't make yourself feel at peace

why would it be different for them?

"None of you is a believer untill he loves for his brother (or sister) what he loves for himself"

-Hadith Sahih Muslim

More about the "Golden Rule" and how it has been translated in so many way, and has been known as the most common moral conduct or practise in many religion/system of mankind. Please read: HERE

Rain+Pretty Bow=Rainbow

Salam,

it has been raining for 3 days straight, it's cold but it's cosy. 

We spent our weekend in the house, spending our little time together. It seems the rain just washes away any negativity, any stress and tension, and clear up the air.

SubhanAllah,

May it clear up when needed to be clear,

May God shower all of us, with His blessings...

Amen.

Love+Peace,

H

*hugs*

The Old Nonsense:Move On

Budding : Opinions

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم

salam,

I was thinking about the wisest people i met, not the phd with whollata alphabet behind it, the simple wise ones who had through so much and questions about life. There was some kind of awareness of a higher being. And then it always boils down to two, those who keeps condemning and preaching without action all the time and those who accepts every belief that man could have. 

Once I met a man who walks on many earth, see a lot of pain, and grow so much in young age. He had to believe in no one but himself, and his parents was among those who againts him. At the time, it was not for ego, just for survival. And once he was aware where he was, he wasn't aware of himself. He is a healer for people, using the Holy words to cure one suffering. But behind close door, only to those that is closest, his rage was beyond imagine. Thought he had so much knowledge, I was suprised to find him this way. And one day, we met with our own opinion. He cursed and he rejects, and he cut me off from his life. How could a 'messenger' shun the messengee, when it was not his message to begin with?

Then i met a man who walks on many earth, see a lot of pain, and grow so much in a mature age. He chose not to believe in anyone including himself, and so everyone is against him. At the time it was not for ego, but for sanity. And once he was aware where he was, he was aware of himself. He knows he can't heal anyone, he only use acceptance to cure his own suffering. But behind close doors, only to those that is closest, his love is beyond imagine. Though he had so much knowledge, I was suprised to learn him this way. And one day, we met with our own opinion. He listens and he accepts, and he continue to share me in his life. How could a 'messenger' deny the messengee, when it was the Only message to begin with?

Love+Peace,

H

Monday Morning Mumbles

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم

salam,

We just had our breakfast, and my husband now is on his way sending his boy to school. It's one of those morning all of us woke up all cheery and fresh, and got plenty of time to relax and take our time to do our thing. I have class today, so i decided to 'try' and share something before i leave the house. My mom came and visit me on saturday and spending the night here. It was an amazing weekend, i really enjoy here visit. We shared so much, about parenting...about being a wife, about cooking and the whole mother-daughter conversation we could ask for. Having to dive into a crash course to parenting, i found myself keep breaking down feeling 'what am i doing?' and having my mum to assure me that everything would take its course is a great reliever. So, to say the least...i think that makes me feel so all 'cheery and optimistic' on a monday morning.

I'm almost 16 weeks long now (i know right? time flies like woosssh), and Alhamdulillah, the challenge is getting harder and harder but the lesson learned keeps getting better and better. One of those challenge is to keep your mind at peace. For the last 2 weeks, i've been dealing with 'rude & mean' people, at first i gotten beyond annoyed. At then i met one of my German friend who just came back from India for her silent retreat session after 3 months staying in a ashram. She told me something that i somehow forgot to remember, "God had allow all these 'negative' people to roam the earth, there must be a reason why" I keep forgetting that everything that happen around me IS by God's allowance...so, if one women to decide to yell at me, it is not my stand to point out how wrong SHE is. or how rude SHE is...but how do I, myself, tolerate what is presented in front of me. How do I respond and how i deal with it. Obviously, everytime I get reeled up about something 'not right', I'll be the one getting upset over it...I'm the one who is tensing about it. When by right, I could deal it positively, and get it over with.

My previous post, I talked about how city people were getting more hostile than i could remember. So i told myself, "God allow this people to cross my path, God allow this people to talk to me like this, If i allow myself to respond the same way, then i could see how 'ugly' it looks." So i responded in other way possible. I remember me and my mum went out for dinner, and the waitress had this most sour face you could imagine, first impression 'you're killing my mood, man~"...then i took a second, and give her the biggest, warmest and sincere smile i could find inside and just hope it makes her day. At first of course, she persist with her mood, so i keep talking to her joyfully, continue smiling like she's the sweetest person i know, and slowly she was the most helpful waitress to us that night. As cliche i would describe it, like magic the whole night and atmosphere was like a change of universe, everyone was nice towards each other. No one got into our nerve, and Alhamdulillah it turned out to be a very nice dinner out in Kuala Lumpur City! 

All i got to do now is, keep reminding myself, God allow all these things to happen everything for a reason. I wouldn't lie though, at times it slips from my mind and i let it get the best of me. InsyaAllah by having it written down in a post would allow me to remember it better...which reminds me, writing down things does wonder for a person like me. Especially during pregnancy. I have the most absent mind right now, its ridiculous. I can actually hold something and forget where i put it within 5 seconds. So, when my mum had to wait for another week because i forgot that i was suppose to return her book, i decided to just need to write it in my little black book that i took with me wherever i go. I didn't need to check and look it up again, i just need to write them down. Alhamdulillah, i found myself remembering what i needed to do. So i hope me writing this down could help me remember to keep my mind 'positive' and remember that God allows it happen for a reason. All we need to do is take a second to hear, see and Furqan (analyze) before going to auto-respond. 

Love+Peace,

H

On Children By Khalil Gibran

Marianna, Kahlil's Sister. Painting by Kahlil Gibran

Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.

You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,
which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them,
but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.

You are the bows from which your children
as living arrows are sent forth.
The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite,
and He bends you with His might
that His arrows may go swift and far.
Let your bending in the archer's hand be for gladness;
For even as He loves the arrow that flies,
so He loves also the bow that is stable.

H notes:  Now being a parent, i see a new light in perspective on a child. It's a day to day ambition, a day to day achievement...Expectation may be the key of a lot of dissapointment, but I can only do but pray and hope that my step son, the little feet (and insyaAllah, many of our children to come) would grow up as a steady arrow and soar forward...May God guide me to be the best Bow i can be...Amen~

Word Hard: Be Nice

Salam,
I thought this poster is very inspiring and everyone should get this imprinted in their brain all the time. Thanks to Rain and her post about her maid, dreams and superficial people, I was reminded about how i was treated when i was in the city. Since i got married, i have not spend more than 2 days in the city, and since my mum was back, i decided to spend the whole weekend with her. I stayed from friday till monday afternoon. In between, we went to do a little shopping, and i helped her buy dinner. I had an an enormous suprise on how hostile everyone was. Especially those in the restaurant and in retail line. By the end of the trip back from the city, i was still shocked by how much human had increasingly lacking of love, politeness and even mercy. My mum was telling me it's so obvious to her especially since coming back from the UK, where everyone is always speaking politely.

I remember i went to buy dinner, as i was placing my order, the waitress didn't even look at me. So i asked, "Can i place my order?" and started looking someplace else, thought i might get the wrong 'order counter'. The waitress then sharply snapped at me as she was handing some change to the customer, (which i overlooked) "I'm passing her money!!", I looked at her in confusion...I told her i'm sorry and i was suprised that she barked at me like that. What happen to your old "I'm sorry, / Excuse me...Hold on a second, I'll be right with you"? Why i didn't walked out was beyond me, so we stayed and wait for our order to be ready. I was watching all the restaurant staff, AND NONE of them was even smiling or even talking to each other. Then, on a different occasion, as we were on our way back home from a relative house, my mum decided to stop by a drive through. As we were placing our order, the other receiver was quiet...so my mum asked and raised her voice (the place was rather noisy) afraid the receiver couldn't hear her order, "Can you hear me?", and in an annoyed tone "Hey, I hear you...don't shout!!!" Me and my mum exchange look and was suprise with the respond. Even at the grocery. Even getting a change, is like begging for money at the side of the road. As i was waiting for my change, the cashier looked at me at the corner of her eyes, and ask me "what are you waiting for?"..."umm my change...50cents", and she actually mummbles under her breath as she slap me my change...WHA?

What a sad city...

Saying Something

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم

salam,

Phew, it's been awhile don't you think? I apologize for the lack of updates since it was a hard week for me last week. I was going through a parental meltdown and since my mum finally came back after 6 months away from home, visiting my eldest sister in the UK, i couldn't find a more prefect timing to bond and share my 'meltdown' with her. I missed my mum, and going through crash course to parenthood, and not having anyone around me to share them with (besides you girls in my blogs), having her back is like a bucket of water over a small triggering flame. Alhamdulillah. 

And now, after gaining new motivations...and really being optimistic (as cliche as it sound), things are definitely looking up. Negative aura is out the window and to make it great again, I could READ again...together now, YAY!! I tried not to get ambitious about reading, so before i jump on the pregnancy research wagon again, i tried reading something light. My mum brough back some books which she bought for her in-flight reading material, adding to my suprise over other things she brought back, i found a book that was on my reading list : The Girls of Riyadh which she bought on her flight break in Dubai, visiting my younger sister.

As for my review, it's like i mentioned, it is a very light read and to be frank, it's really not that bad. It would be like reading pages of post from your favorite anonymous-reality-blog. Something like Sex-In-The-City Saudi style. Definitely one of your in-flight reading material. 

Updates on my parental dilemma? Alhamdulillah, i think we're making progress at home, my step son and i, we're slowly tolerating and cooperating to each other. Let's hope the next parental-roller-coaster won't drive me up the wall. Being a mum sure makes us appreciate our mum much more, i couldn't imagine there's a higher degree of appreciating and loving our mother, but there is...SubhanAllah. 

I'm starting to get baby bumps, and it's pretty visible already. Although since i'm always clad in loose fitting blouses and abaya, it's still not too obvious. I'm still pretty hungry all the time. and by afternoon, i'm still getting all heavy-eyed. And since i've started to go back to the university to teach again, i've been counting my yawn every afternoon i'm in class. Thank God i'm only have class 2 days a week, or else i'm sure the kids is taking more of my tonsil than the notes i'm sending. *shheessh* I gave my first lecture last week, and i'm still very excited with teaching. I might consider their offer for me to teach more classes, insyaAllah...probably after the little feet is out and about. I even consider having little feet dangling in baby pouch around my body whenever i go to teach...i wonder if the university would think it's a bad idea...*hmm* who knows, insyaAllah.

More updates insyaAllah, in the meantime. Take one day at a time...

"Yesterday is a lesson, Today is a chance, and Tomorrow is uncertain"...YALLAH!!

Love+Peace,

H

Why I still insist on Home Birth

Taken from http://bringbirthhome.com/home-birth-safety/ 

When hearing the news that I had my last baby at home and am planning to have this one at home as well, the first response from most people is, “You’re so brave.”

This has to be one of the most irritating things that people say to homebirthers. The implication is that birth is dangerous and that we are willing to take on a tremendous risk to do it anywhere but a hospital.

It negates the research and planning that we’ve done to come to this decision. It makes the choice about balls, not brains. After all, homebirth is “dangerous.” Hospital birth is “safe.” Therefore, it must be bravado alone that would lead a woman to choosing such an option. Right?

In 2003, over 20% of women had their labors induced, with a rate closer to 40% in many hospitals, while that rate should not exceed 10% (and has remained at 10% in most industrialized nations).

Inductions are approximately 5 times more likely among planned hospital births than planned homebirths. An 1999 American Journal of Obstetrics and Gynecology “Green Journal” review of 7000 inductions found that 3 out of 4 of the inductions were not medically necessary.

Inductions are performed unnecessarily for estimated size of the baby (too large or too small), going past the estimated due date, amniotic fluid levels that are low but not critically low (correctable in nearly all cases by rehydration of the mother), rupture of membranes without immediate start of labor, the mother being dilated/effaced but not in active labor, or scheduling reasons on the part of the mother or care provider.

Approximately 40-50% of inductions fail (depending on the induction method used and the mother’s Bishop score), and most failed inductions end in cesarean section. Inductions increase labor pain and length, and create, among other problems, an increased risk of fetal distress, uterine rupture, and cesarean section.

But homebirth is “dangerous.” Hospital birth is “safe.”

Over 30% of women in the US have cesarean sections, while overwhelming research has led the World Health Organization to set an ideal standard rate of cesarean sections at 10-12%, with 15% being the rate where more harm is being done instead of good. Cesareans are performed at a similar rate across all risk groups, low to high. The cesarean rate for planned births at home or in an independent birthing center is approximately 4%.

Cesarean sections increase the likelihood of maternal death by as much as 4 times, and have other immediate and long-term heath risks for mothers that include, but are not limited to, infection, bowel or bladder perforation, hysterectomy, future infertility, and increased risk of uterine rupture for future pregnancies.

Risks for the baby include respiratory distress, fetal injury, prematurity (if result of scheduled section or failed induction), and breastfeeding difficulties.

Four of the greatest causes for the increase in cesarean section are overuse of interventions during labor, concern for malpractice/liability on the part of care providers, failed labor inductions, and “failure to progress” (labor not progressing fast enough or regularly enough for care providers).

But homebirth is “dangerous” and hospital birth is “safe.”

The ACOG and AMA have both come out against homebirthing, calling it a dangerous trend and referring to it as a “fashionable, trendy, [...] the latest cause célèbre,” and they paint a horrible picture of complications arising in low-risk pregnancies with no warning that cannot be handled anywhere but the hospital.

Despite that, the most thorough study ever done on homebirth safety, Kenneth C Johnson and Betty-Anne Daviss’s Outcomes of planned home births with certified professional midwives: large prospective study in North America, BMJ 2005;330:1416 (18 June), found that the outcomes of planned homebirths for low risk mothers were the same as the outcomes of planned hospital births for low risk mothers, with a significantly lower incident of interventions in the homebirth group.

The Lewis Mehl Study of home and hospital births, which matched couples in each group for age, parity, education, race, and pregnancy/birth risk factors, found the hospital group had 9 times the rate of episiotomies and tearing, 3 times the cesarean rate, 6 times the fetal distress, 2 times the use of oxytocin for induction/augmentation, 9 times the use of analgesia/anesthesia, 5 times the rate of maternal blood pressure increase, 3 times the rate of maternal hemorrhage, 4 times the rate of infection, 20 times the rate of forceps use, and 30 times teh rate of birth injuries (including skull fractures and nerve damage).

Breastfeeding success rates are higher and postpartum depression rates are lower for planned homebirths.

But homebirth is “dangerous” and hospital birth is “safe.”

The United States spends more per pregnancy/birth than any other country, the vast majority of women in the US give birth in hospitals, and yet the US’s maternal death rate is the worst among 28 industrialized nations and the neonatal mortality rate is the second worst.

The Netherlands, where 36% of babies are born at home, has lower maternal and neonatal mortality rates than the US. Denmark, where all women have access to the option for a safe and legal home birth, has one of the lowest maternal and neonatal mortality rates.

But homebirth is “dangerous,” hospital birth is “safe,” and Brutus is an honorable man.

I didn’t choose a homebirth because I am brave. Bravery has little to do with it. If anything, I believe women who choose to give birth in US hospitals are the brave ones, because knowing what I know about our technocratic obstetrical system, I can’t imagine voluntarily choosing an obstetrician and a hospital for anything but absolute medical necessity.

My decision to homebirth wasn’t made in a void, but based upon years of research. I wonder how much research the average woman puts into her hospital birth?

Considering how many times I’ve heard someone say “I’m glad I was in the hospital because…” and then given as her reason a non-emergent situation (such as fetal size or nuchal cords), I’d say not that much.

Call me stubborn, because I wasn’t willing to accept out of hand the culturally held belief that hospitals are safer.

Call me an idealist, because I believe that birth can be a positive, safe, and empowering experience for child and mother.

Call me a nonconformist, because I choose to birth at home in defiance of a powerful technocratic system.

Call me outspoken, because I can’t keep my mouth shut when I hear about yet another iatrogenic birth calamity.

Call me a “birth nazi,” because I believe it’s the right and responsibility of every woman to educate herself about birth and take ownership of her birth experience.

But brave? Don’t call me brave. “Brave” has nothing to do with it.

Morgan is a freelance writer and co-director of North Metro Birth & Breastfeeding Coalition. Email Morgan at morgan@mcfamilies.com

Read Morgan’s follow up article, “Birth Safety as a Binary Condition.”

Hide:Seek

graphic: source painting by Lynet McDonald

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم

I hide from the path of shame i walked before,

I seek for the light that guide me through,

I hide under the light so the shadow might not enter,

I seek the strength to stay away for the darkness,

I hide from those who seek for truth,

I seek for those who hide their suffering,

I hide from the ego and the pride that feeds the world,

I seek for the grace and mercy that fills my soul,

I hide beyond the realm of spaces,

I seek for infinite field that opens up to everything,

I hide from the world may it not catch me staring,

I seek for blindness from attachment,

Hide,

Seek,

I hide for the person i was once before,

I seek for the person that I am...

for the fact, that I am nothing

and I am everything

Have i found it then?

Step Parenting:My Journey

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم
salam,

This is a very difficult post for me, and i've been struggling to pour it out. Especially since i came back from my recent vacation with my family. As some of you know, i'm an unexperienced step mother to a 10 year old boy. It's a struggle for me since he moved in with us, i'm sure it's difficult for both of us. I realised that it's been hard for me since i keep hoping to be this 'perfect' mother, and i was expecting him to be a 'good' son. Both, end up making me frustrated by the situation. I caught myself saying the things i swore i wouldn't say, but when i do...it's too late. To be frank, i'm never good with kids. I can spend limited time with them, and i'm rarely affectionate with them. I realised these whenever i see adults can spends hours talking with children giving undivided attention, by listening tentatively, when me on the other hand rarely have the tolerance with 'out of hand' kids. I don't hate them, i can be playful with them, but i'm just not affectionate. And no, i'm not proud of it, but i am aware of it. So, realizing that now i am a mother figure to my step son, i find that my lack of affection have somehow taken a toll on me. 

Children being children, they tend to make mistake, and as a walking experience guide to them, i tend to share my experience and advice. Children tends to want to have fun all the time, regardless of their health, hygene, heck-regardless of anything. We were all children and we know how carefree we were. Yet, being a parent, only wanting the best for our children, we hope they don't get sick, and they don't harm themselves. It seems, everytime these 2 things combine; there's a conflict. For example my last trip on our family vacation. It was a monsoon fishing trip, true enough most of the children were fishing in the rain, without any rain gear on. Knowing for the fact that my step son gets sick very easily, i found myself stopping him from fishing, and keep asking him to go to take his bath (and just take a break). He was upset definitely, he got out of the rain, but he went to sleep instead. I woke him up to take his bath, he got up and went someplace else to sleep. I found out minutes later, and had to use my authoritive voice. (which i hate!) He did, but that evening, he was down with bad fever. Which, brings me to the 'i told you so' mode. Frustrated as i was that what i fear to happen, happened, i try to ease it off by attending to him that evening. Before i knew it, the children was taking out their PS3 and he was 'feeling better' already. I was a tired pregnant lady, so i gave up and went to bed. 

The same thing happened a few times when out of his best interest, it seems i was the party pooper-the fun killer-the bad guy. I find myself crying out of frustration, i really didn't know what is the right thing to do. I realised this, when my husband left the boat to go fishing in the woods, so my step son had to go fishing with limited tools for his rod. He was again, fishing in the rain and when finally he was out of fish hook, i told him it's about time he give it a break, take a bath, and have his meal. Of course, he didn't like this. (He LOVES fishing)Since i couldn't give him any fish hook, he went to his uncle (my husband brother) for one, and before i knew it he was fishing again. You see, my in laws have many kids on their own 5 the least, and on most times they couldn't have their full attention to their own kids. So some of the kids (my step son cousins) were fishing like no one's business in the boat, they can go on without bath, meals, spending hours...fishing. No one is on their back telling them to stop and remind them to take their bath/meal. My stepson seeing this, and compared himself to them; "How come its fine for them and not me?". Can you imagine how am i the bad guy here? Just imagine these was going on between me and him on the entire trip. Stress and pregnant lady does not goes well together my friend...i kid you not. My husband of course, try to lighten it up. I asked him why didn't you say anything when the boy is going on fishing like that without meal an such. His answer was, "I was just like that". So am i being over protective? Over worry? I don't know what to do anymore...

When it comes to 'serious' responsible talk, my husband tends to take this lightly and jokingly. To him, he's a boy and he need to toughen up. I don't know it's because due to my lack of experience or just my maternal 'caring' instinct, its hard for me to just watch a child doing something that is harmful to their own selves. Yes, i worry...worry too much. Which i realise is blocking my ability to respect and show my unconditional 'love' in a way. One part of me, wants to respect him as a child and let him be  child, and one part of me wants to be this responsible parent that gives valuable lesson to their child. It's different because one; he's not my child, i don't know him that well enough, his conditioning while he is growing up somehow effects the approach. You know how you approach people differently when you know them better? The thing is, i don't know how to approach him, and i understand it takes time to know him better. Children and adult relationship is much more complicated, especially for someone who have so little experience with children bonding. Through this experience i realised how i'm giving 'conditional' love to him, in a way restricted because of my limited knowledge of who he is, which of course...is like a big question for me. I'm a true believe of peace and love...and here i am struggling to give love to a child. 

I was telling this to my sister in law, and as we were talking about 'Amma' aka the 'Hugging Saint' i realised that i'm going through a personal struggle and journey of unlocking my 'unconditional love'. It's easy to give love to someone volunteery and understanding it. especially adults, because somehow i understand adults and their respond. I had learned through experience to be non authoritive and not to expect any thing from an adult. It's easy to give love to your own children, the one that you witness their birth, going through their growth as you grow and already having that unbreakable blood bond. But here i am, putting 'effort' in the name of 'love' when it should be effortless. I still don't know what to do with this situation, i try to kick out the 'worry' and 'fear' in me...and i'm not going to wait for 'time to tell', My sister in law told me that i should be aware and take it as it is. I realised that my 'expectation' also destroyed my love...because it leads to many dissapointment and frustration in our mother-son relationship, i should remind myself to kick that out too...I don't know what i'm saying, i guess this is another rambling of my struggle in my journey.

Dear God, Please give me the strength to give mercy to the people around me especially to my step son, without fear, without expectation and without being conditional. Help me love myself, love the people around me as how You showered Your mercy in abundance to all of us. I pray for Your mercy and grace, may it help me to share Your mercy and Your grace. Amen.

Powerful Video: The Hugging Saint

Salam,
I was introduced today to a VERY powerful video by my sister in law. We were as usual, were exchanging thoughts and share opinions about all the things that is going on with our life, about awareness...acceptance...love...fear and Amma was brought up. How she's known as a 'Hugging Saint'. I know, there's a lot of 'hug a person'/'give a hug' campaign going on worldwide...but watching this video brought tears (sobbing~) to my eyes. It's absolutely amazing how a HUMANBEING, could share sincere unconditional and undivided love to countless people..and share time regardless of differences. It struck me so deep inside how she said that 'Love does not need effort' (or something like that), because to be honest we often feel like we need to put effort and struggle and think it is 'Love'. At least at certain time, i do...I confused myself thinking that i'm putting effort in the name of 'Love', when truth is LOVE comes from within and it will overflow naturally.

Unconditional Love is VERY powerful and we all possess this 'power'. Amma is potraying that we all can LOVE crossing the border of countries, race, and religion.



More about Amma via wikipedia HERE

Just The Way You Are by Kina Grannis

Salam,
When a man loves you, he would treat you with respect without you demanding them...
When a man loves you, he would speak to you even the room is filled with other women...
When a man loves you, he would say only beautiful things and everything that you're worth...
When a man loves you, he appreciates the little things you do

You would give up everything for the person you love,
but if the person love you more, he wouldn't want you to give up anything...

This post of for those who thinks they need to suffer for love...
*hugs* God will meet you your soulmate, and he would be better than the ones before.
Give your Love to God, and God will shower you with more...



p/s: Abusive relationship is not merely physical, but also mentally as well. Please be aware of this.

Love+Peace,
H

Read more here for related issue:
http://blockspotted.blogspot.com/2010/09/women-conversation.html

9 Weeks Pregnancy Update: Mood Swings are Normal

Food Movies

Salam,
Being a hungry shamoo (i mean, pregnant lady), I've spent my most entire day going through food pictures and recipe book. I don't know why, maybe i'm indulging myself...LOL. And yesterday, i spent the entire day going through movies with in it. I saw 'SUPER SIZE ME' which is a documentary of a man, who tried to go on a McDiet for 30 days, with nothing but 3 meals a day of McDonald's and risk his own health in this experiment about fast food and it's effect on our body. (this didn't turn out so good to me, since i'm still craving for meat and burgers. We end up taking a trip to McDonald's because the Big Mac was too tempting for me. I didn't feel too guilty about it though since i eat fastfood in once in a blue moon)




Then, i bumped to 'Babette's Feast'...which is amazing. I find it very symbolic, and heartwarming. The whole detail on the dinner...is mouthwatering and exquisite. You can actually find the whole movie on youtube. Including the english subtitle. I love this movie...





Then, I stumbled to this funny and inspiring movie. A japanese movie which mainly evolve around food and how food plays a significant role in one's life in a very suprising way...Also mouthwatering, but i find it cute and light hearted. I like this one too... it reminds me a lot of my sister, since she's always dreaming of opening her own restaurant. You can also find the whole movie in youtube.