iHijab

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم

"And say to the believing women that they should lower their gaze and guard their modesty; that they should not display their beauty and ornaments except what (must ordinarily) appear thereof; that they should draw their veils over their bosoms and not display their beauty except to their husbands, their fathers, their husband's fathers, their sons, their husbands' sons, their brothers or their brothers' sons, or their sisters' sons, or their women, or the slaves whom their right hands possess, or male servants free of physical needs, or small children who have no sense of the shame of sex; and that they should not strike their feet in order to draw attention to their hidden ornaments. And O ye Believers! turn ye all together towards Allah, that ye may attain Bliss". (24:31)

Salam everyone,

I has been approximately 2 years since i started adoning the hijab. The picture i posted on was on my first week of wearing my hijab taken candidly by my dear friend. Alhamdulillah, it has been a wonderful experience having the hijab on. I was fortunate enough to be born into a muslim family and growing up, i was thought a lot of islamic value. Wearing the hijab wasn't as strict as in other family rule like some people i know. The hijab is very much common here in Malaysia, and its not as challenging to wear them as to compared to muslim women in europe and in the US, but i somehow believe people now are much open than those before the 9-Eleven tragedy. Although, not wearing a hijab as a muslim is also something that are not frown upon openly here either. It is safe to say, people have the opportunity to evaluate the beauty of hijab (literally/spiritually) on their own journey of life, in contrast condemning someone who does not follow this Way. There is a different sending out message out of understanding than out of fear, in my humble opinion that is.

Anyway, the earliest memory i had with the Hijab was when i was in primary school attending religious class after public school hour. Also during Quran Reciting study. but on those times, it was out of 'MUST' regulation of studying. At these age, i don't remember any teacher/ustaz explaining out of the Ayat of the Holy Quran. All i knew that if you are a muslim, You MUST or you'll burn in hell. (after you hit puberty that is, that's when the 'point' starts to count on your ownself, in the meantime...your parents take your 'points' for you)-point of good and sins that is. The second time i decided to wear the Hijab, was when i was 15/16 (i couldn't remember) because i decided to cut my hair REALLY short, out of "embarrassement" in some public place, my mother adviced me to cover up. For that brief situation, it felt like, i was covered up...only for the wrong reason not modesty. i was wearing covered, YES, but very shapely figured clothes, still. All i know, Aurah (modesty part) of a women was every part of your body except the face, hand and feet (to some sect/understanding/teaching). I honestly have not heard about modesty concept.

Fast forward, 2 years ago my family received rather unpleasant news of our father's death. (may Allah bless his soul and place him within the people that is loved by God) somehow his death, have created somewhat awareness to my own life. At that point, i was in need of knowing my own religion. So i bought myself a translation of the Quran, since growing up, never once that it occur to me, i don't understand what is in the Holy Quran. Reading through the Quran, with much allowance by Allah, everything makes much sense. I read books and watch da'wah video with issues that i don't understand, which includes the Hijab issue.

Before wearing the hijab, i have 'religious' friends, curious strangers, advicing elders who repeatedly asked me why am i not wearing any hijab. I didnt understand what was the big fuss was at the time. I believed that i was good person that it does not matter how i look like. i even used to believe in the saying, 'if you have it, flaunt it'. Deep down i really want to wear it for my own sake. I once told a friend, that by God's will i would want to wear my Hijab when i had quit smoking, quit swearing like a fish, and really behave myself. I remembered watching girls in disgust THEN, with their hijab on, swearing like no one's business with cigarette on one hand, and walking around with boyfriends in their arms. and i definitely wouldn't want anyone looking me like i was looking at them. (may God forgive me). its not like its the worst thing in the world (its not my place to judge them), but we are wearing our beliefs on our 'head' representing the best way of life, it is best to act the best way we could in public, i reckon. So, as to wearing Hijab, i was the best procrastinator of why i should wear them. I was making up excuses, like 'i'm afraid i'll take them off, and on again, and off again' since i've had experience wearing them briefly during my short hair do. or, 'i'll wait when i'm older/i'm married/i have kids'. or the fact was, i really was afraid of being "un-cool"among the social circle of mine.

As i read, Surah An-Nur, as the passage above, i finally realised the beauty of Hijab. As i appreciate my God given self, i learn the way to appreciate it is to conserve it. I learn that instead of having a man treating me like a sex-object, ecstatic pleasure, image driven 'girls' oogled me freely, i can actually go through crowds practically invisible. I didnt need to worry about getting groped, whistled at like a dog, or stared at. I created attention by the way i bring myself, a person that i am. Instead of being described by the look, i was more described by my personality. I felt safer and more secure. Of course there is judgement. To tell you frankly, i lost a lot of 'friends' after wearing my Hijab. Some fled because of fear that i might turn them like me, honestly i think that is just hilarious. To those who knew me well enough, know that i am still am the same person. For the love of God, you really should know to WHOM you're doing this for. so, for my love of God, i stop caring if i have many friends who care about how cool i am. It didn't stop me from going through my everyday life, infact, it kind of making it easier. Instead of slaving my self to my hair for hours, it takes mere minutes for me to get ready to leave the house. I still go on with my everyday life with my hijab on, insyaAllah. Me and my husband loves camping and the outdoor, at first i thought it would a hassle for me, but Alhamdulillah with carefully selected clothes for the outdoor, its proven that hijab would not limit yourself to anything. the Quran is a guide for what is best for us, hijab is not a hassle.

'On no soul doth Allah place aburden greater than it can bear' (2: 286)

So, although i would love people to understand and love putting on their hijab, i would love it more if we would wear something more modest than we did the day before. Instead of playing a part, its better if we are part of the lesson. A newbie hijabi friend of mine was comparing herself with the non hijabi's, she said 'i feel like a moth, and they're like butterflies'...hijabi's are also butterflies, but instead of the mostly seen ones, these butterflies are rare and they only shows their wings to those they wishes. Most beautiful things on and within this earth are hidden, like diamonds and pearls and conserved forest, away from dirty hands...

May Allah preserve this heart for something true and always on his right path, insyaAllah. for all of us, my prayer is for all of my sisters.

pic: me and husband

(the one with the long hair at the back)

on our last camping trip

love+peace,

H